Posts Tagged ‘Special Needs’
Someone Asked Me When I Accepted Autism
Someone asked me the other day when I accepted autism. The mom asking was early into her autism journey and honestly wondering when the moment comes. I could not answer. There was not a defining moment. It took me years to come to terms with the direction our lives took and every day I figure it out a little more, but I don’t think I will ever fully accept it. I will always wonder. I am human. That does not mean I do not accept my daughter for who she…
Read MoreTo the Woman Who Loved My Daughter Like Her Own
Today is 20 years since you have passed, and the void is forever there. The love you stamped our hearts with is carried with us every day. You are forever missed. A that tribute doesn’t even come close to explaining how amazing and how loved you are. More than a grandmother. Watching my daughter sit on your lap as you sit at the table seems like the most natural thing in the world. Except sometimes it’s not. A nana sitting with her grand baby is something you can take for…
Read MoreAutism Is Autism and Your Words Can Hurt
Comments are made; often in the passing, sometimes with direction. I wonder how deeply some people think about what they say to others. Do they consider if they use hurtful words? I’ve been so fortunate during my journey thus far into motherhood. I have received so much support for the way our children are growing. Sometimes, the narrative changes direction. Sometimes, people are surprised to discover autism is a part of our world. It puzzles me. Honestly, with a little knowledge, it is blatantly obvious how neurodivergence is interwoven around…
Read MoreA Flashback to His Autism Diagnosis
Dreams Don’t Die, They Just Change We all remember that day. The visit, the phone call, the letter. Your child is on the autism spectrum. I know I will never forget. I can still hear the Dr. saying, “We can go two different routes here. We can give the diagnosis of PDD/NOS or Autism.” I think he was truly trying to spare us that ominous word. I voted for Autism. I knew enough to know that the diagnosis of autism was our ticket to services. See, this all happened 22…
Read MoreI Wanted to Shout “She is Autistic!”
“I am sorry. She is autistic.” This. This is what I wanted to shout in the waiting room at dance class Monday night. I wanted the moms with their beautifully behaved children to know this. I didn’t want Lexi’s behavior to come across as me being an awful parent, or to view Lexi as a naughty girl. I wanted to give the behavior an excuse. I stayed silent. I did not share that she had autism. I did not justify her behavior. I let them think what they wanted. Whether…
Read MoreI Dreamt I Had a Conversation With My Non-speaking Daughter
Last night I had a dream I had a conversation with my daughter. She is four years old, autistic, and non-speaking. Her little voice has been on my mind lately. As her age and receptive language, her understanding of language, had gone up so has her frustration. I think often about how hard she works to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings. She is an excellent communicator. I often wonder what it would be like to know how she is feeling, what she really wants me to know. I think…
Read MoreIf You Pray For My Autistic Son
My husband pulled himself out of bed yesterday morning, quietly pulled his Sunday best from the closet, and went to church while the little man and I slept. We haven’t been to church together since the beginning of our marriage. We haven’t been to church as a family in years. And though I’m proud of him for making that decision for himself on such a random Sunday morning, I am simultaneously conflicted in my emotions. I’m glad he went, if that’s what his heart yearned for yesterday.…
Read MoreChalk Moon
I see my child running left to right. With an adult like animal chasing after her–one that once was human–strung by an invisible rope–sweating Big, fat drops of sweat born in a long day of keeping up– To my daughter’s erratic steps. The chime and play of the entire school on the blacktop is a world entirely unbeknownst to me—a mirage– I see my child in the wood chips–curiously untamed, naked screaming like a distraught fawn bare shaky on her legs spitting angst at everyone– And the principal hovering–a…
Read MoreA Match is Made
A week ago, my younger son started playing soccer. My daughter took him to his first practice because I was sick. As I perused the pictures she sent me, it was obvious how much he enjoyed playing. My daughter barely saw him the entire hour he played because he was running around so much. He was having a blast with his new buddy. This soccer program is a program for children with special needs. My younger son has ADHD. His ADHD causes him to have a difficult time paying attention…
Read MoreIt Felt Like I Would Never Get Over My Son’s Autism
“When are you going to get over this?” My husband calmly asked, as I laid in our bed yet again crying. I can’t remember what event involving our son preceded it; Another evaluation, an elopement, an awkward moment at a family gathering or school, maybe it was another long meltdown. Whichever it was, I was now lying in bed quietly crying and venting to him about all of it. Pure heartbreak and fear. After his question, I knew he immediately regretted asking it, not only because it sounded so harsh,…
Read More