Autism
The Weight of Autism
,When I think about that little newborn baby—the first one I birthed, the first true obsession of my life—I recall the haze of sleepless nights and the excitement of new life. Babies are so raw and new; they wholly need you. You carry them and everything they will one day become. The fears, the worries, the hope, the determination. He matters merely because he exists, and to exist is a miracle on its own. Looking at that tiny being, my expectations were simple: health and happiness. But that little baby,…
Read MoreWhy Can I Show Empathy to Others but Not My Mom
I went into quite an uproar. I was not thinking about the person who had been up since five-thirty in the morning and couldn’t sleep. I only thought about myself, my needs, and how I didn’t want to do my homework. You see, due to my autism, I am incredibly literal, and that can make some school work harder for me to interpret now that I am climbing the ladder of my college-level classes. I felt insecure and inadequate but I didn’t know these were my feelings. All I knew…
Read MoreA Diagnosis For My Boy
Four years ago I watched you from my son’s bedroom window as you went back and forth with your colleague in your car– attempting to convince her that my son had autism. You both had just evaluated him. I understood the urgency– I knew that you understood. I didn’t have a fancy job title and didn’t have an outwardly impact on our society. I didn’t possess any powers and my neighbors didn’t know my name. I didn’t have anything to give or anything to spend other than being the best…
Read MoreThank You to the Waitress Who Understood Inclusion
We tried a thing today. It was one of our spur of the moment ideas. My autistic son, Xavier, had gotten up at four again, and to be honest, after we dropped off his younger brother at school, we were all hungry and in need of a caffeine fix. Xavier’s Occupational Therapy appointment had been canceled due to a training his therapist was attending, so we had over an hour to kill. There is a diner that my husband and I both love, and hadn’t been to in a couple…
Read MoreTwenty-Two Lessons From Autism in 2022
This was without a doubt the most challenging year for our family. This was the year we had to call in help to look at safety, support for aggression, goodbye to all medications because none were working. But we also learned the most lessons, came out stronger, and have a better foundation for raising a son with autism. Here are twenty one lessons autism has taught us this past year: 1. In their own time, in their own way. 2. People are curious and want to understand how to help,…
Read MoreTo Those Who Turn
To those little ones–those brave little Children–whose shadows stretch longer and higher than the wisest & oldest grown-ups— To those little ones that take my daughter’s hand–wait patiently and without knowing— never give up— on her. Your hearts are bigger and brighter than the biggest apple on the tree. To those little ones who turn my daughter’s head In the right direction– Who lift her chin to make sure that she too gets to see the greatness of your Tower– and how good you did! and to those who see…
Read MoreJust the Way You Are
She looked like a typical little girl, bright curious eyes, adorable curls, a laugh that made you instantly smile. She loved water, spinning in circles and all things Barney. She loved dirt and rocks and playing with bubbles. She would swing on her belly for long periods of time. All these things didn’t seem that out of the ordinary for a two year old. Although when you looked closer; You could see she wasn’t talking or even saying words. Her food choices were extremely limited. Her understanding was inconsistent and…
Read MoreHis Brother’s Safe Space
A few days ago we took a boat ride. Sawyer brought two friends. A brother and sister who are very much a part of our family. The big kids, Cooper included, all wanted to sit in front and screamed at Jamie to go faster. They were also supposed to watch for logs but that part didn’t happen. As we boated along we hit some rough water. It only lasted a minute or so. Pretty common on a Friday on the St. Croix River. Anyhow, Cooper squealed as a bit of…
Read MoreUnderstanding and Acceptance
People get really nervous around individuals who are non speaking. Or folks who use a wheelchair. Or who look different. I didn’t know that before I had my son Cooper. Before he led me wide eyed into the world of disability. Without knowing he showed me how a person can be invisible. A person standing front and center. Some of it’s subtle. The overlooking of a person. Some is not. And it’s hard to see. As his mom it’s hard to not get mad and sad and frustrated. Because I…
Read MoreSmall Big Things
Something huge happened yesterday. But amidst the chaos of putting on sunscreen and watching kids jump into the pool and picking up wet towels I missed it. I was busy throwing a party. I wasn’t paying attention to small big things. My son Cooper is 11 years old. He loves balloons and parties and the frosting on cupcakes. He said his first word at age 9. It was mom. He says it long and drawn out, pausing on each letter as if he’s plucking them down from the sky. MMM-AW-MMM.…
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