Parents have many fears for their children as they grow up…but as a special needs mother, my fears are so different than most. It’s difficult to put into words. So here I go…. It’s hard not to have tears roll down your face at night when everyone is asleep..when you look at your child so perfect, who is sound asleep, just thinking how much you love them. You lay there and think about everything. You can’t turn off your thoughts and fears. It’s hard to relax and take a deep…
Read MoreA few days ago, I was watching a fellow special needs mom story on Instagram. Like most day’s she was giving a real insight on what it’s like to raise multiple kiddos on the Autism spectrum. She was asked what would be her advice to the parent of a child who was recently diagnosed. What she said next about grief was not what I was expecting, but it stuck with me. She said, if we are being truly honest with ourselves, we are not grieving the life our child may…
Read MoreThis newspaper article has been hanging on my fridge since my son E was five years old. And it will stay there forever. It is the fourth interview I did with our local newspaper and has my favorite title: “Autism doesn’t change children’s core”. This aged paper, changing with time, is part of us. We age and change along with it. To me it is a reminder of where we were and how far we have come from the darkest times of our Autism journey. The times of loneliness and…
Read MoreMy son is nonverbal. Although I’m not supposed to use that term anymore. The preferred term is ‘non-speaking.’ I am tired of arguing about descriptions so I will just explain. I think it’s easier that way. My son is ten years old. And he has no actual words. It’s hard to believe but it’s important to understand. It’s important to take a glimpse into someone’s life sometimes. That’s how we learn. He can say his name if asked. Cooper. He makes a sound for each letter. Six sounds. The two…
Read MoreSawyer, my eight year old, is the sweetest older brother. He holds his sister, he kisses her every morning, before bed, and when he leaves the house. He counted down the days until she got here. He asked me all the questions, like how she got in there and how she was going to come out. He was fascinated by her belly button and her blonde hair. He loves being a brother. And as we’ve completed our family of six, I’ve spent some time thinking about how different life would…
Read MoreMy baby is two weeks old today. As of 12:22 pm she has been apart of this family for 14 whole days. Which means 14 days ago I was pregnant. I was swollen, crabby, achey, and had the worst heartburn I had ever felt. Right up until delivery I felt the burning in my throat. I knew she’d have hair because of it. But I didn’t know it would be so blonde. I thought I prepared for everything leading up to her arrival. I mean, it was my fourth time.…
Read MoreI think about you sometimes mama. 28 years old. You just had your first baby. You named him Cooper months before he was born. You painted his nursery blue. You went to birthing classes and read What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Your husband bought him a baseball glove and bat. And a Minnesota Wild jersey. You were both so ready for him. I can see you going to the hospital. So excited. So scared. I can see you holding him in your arms for the first time. You…
Read MoreWe just went on our first outing as a family of six. We actually planned to go on Friday. And then Saturday. And finally we made it today. It took us well over an hour to get out of the house. There were babies to nurse and diapers to change. Kids to dress. Snacks. Negotiations. Teeth to brush. Missing shoes. Someone wasn’t wearing shorts at one point. But we did it! A nice hike in the woods. We saw turtles and ducks and got outside in the fresh air where…
Read MoreCongratulations, graduates! Not only have you graduated in the midst of a global pandemic under extreme circumstances of social isolation, strict quarantines, and frequent cancellations; but you have done so with many academic achievements and honors, athletic awards, and college scholarships. You have given yourselves and your families so many reasons to be proud! While these achievements should be acknowledged and celebrated, I believe there is something you have demonstrated that is even more important, your kind heart! From the time I first met all of you, you have shown…
Read MoreLast night, when the mosquitoes stirred on our damp lawn, Willow stirred too. I asked her to grab her sandals and we went for a walk. We walked to the end of our street where I lit a sparkler for her. She danced entranced swinging the metal stick in the air. I took her for a walk because her mind and body needed to regulate. She was a mess and going for this walk would very methodically prevent a meltdown and a potential bolt. I scratched my eyes and thought…
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