Let me show you the beauty of my son’s world. And how my perspective has greatly changed over the years. A few days ago, Cooper, who is 10, began showing me a still frame of Dora the Explorer on his iPad. Dora happened to be wearing a purple pirate outfit. She was with her crew on a boat. They were making their way to Mermaid Rock. He has showed me Dora and her purple outfit at least a hundred times. Cooper also happens to be nonverbal. Meaning, he can’t necessarily…
Read MoreOne of the things I hear the most often from parents of newly diagnosed children is…I can’t figure out how to get my child to play with me. Or, I can’t find an activity for us to do together. This is coming from moms and dads who are trying so hard. They are desperate to get inside. But they don’t know how. Not yet anyways. Boy does that resonate with me. I was that mom years ago. My son wouldn’t play with me. In fact, he didn’t play at all.…
Read MoreMy middle son has been having some big feelings lately. He is 8 years old and sandwiched in between two very big personalities. I think sometimes it can be lonely to be the easy one. His dad and I are working for hard to make sure he knows how magnificent and treasured he is. Last night a movie on the couch with popcorn and tickles. This morning a doughnut date, just the two of us. And lots of conversation. Which is the best part in my opinion. I love hearing…
Read MoreSometimes I look at you in apprehension… I realize I am a foreign object…a lost immigrant to a new country in your presence. I look at where you look…to that corner where the sun hits…and I don’t see what you see. I do not hear what you hear and I only feel what I feel which sitting next to you can feel like so very little. It used to bother me, scare me and now I eat my croissant curiously searching for the light you are swimming in. In your…
Read MoreI wish I knew then what I know now. I was naive when my son invited me into his autistic world. I took his hand and watched in wonder and awe. Never had I entered such a space of simplicity, beauty, complexity or hard. I made mistakes. I was ruled by inexperience. I’m not sure when the breaking point came, that pivotal shift to the exact moment when I found my voice to advocate for my son. It’s more than a discovery, it’s about setting words into action. When you…
Read MoreFor a long time I thought… “Autism was hard.” Sure the years flew by. But in the moment it was like I was living life in slow motion. My eyes were usually welled up with tears. No one ever told me that excessive irritability actually leads to a whole personality trait after a while. Lacking sleep and basic nutrition. Missing appointments because the bills still had to be paid. “And… last time even the therapist told you to go home. She didn’t even know what to do. It’s just going…
Read MoreThe season I’ve been preparing for the past several years is here. This is the season my autistic daughter’s peers settle into their new college life or embark on some other momentous move towards independence. As I reflect on my first 16 months as a brand new mom, I remember forming close friendships with other new moms that I met in “Mommy and Me” groups, Little Gym classes, and various music classes for our pre-toddlers. We would seamlessly get together for weekly play groups at rotating houses. We’d take our…
Read MoreWe got outside this evening and it was amazing! Of all the settings that my boys have been in together, outside is always the best for them. No technology to distract. Just sticks. Big sticks. And rocks. And mud. Really cool leaves. And scratchy bark. Toads. Squirrels. And BUGS!! And we just walk. At our own pace. No pressure. Cooper loves throwing things into the woods. He loves the sounds that come. Crashes and bashes. And his brothers love helping him find the biggest sticks to throw. There is just…
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately. And the right amount to have. Which is a funny thing to think about really. Because, how can one have the wrong amount of hope? My son has autism. He is autistic. And that means his life will follow a different path than most. It means he has lots of unknowns. And parts that are hard for him. He has been robbed of a lot of the big things too. The ones that most parents take for granted for their children. And…
Read MoreAm I brave enough? I just left the grocery store. I only had a few things today so opted for the self checkout today. While I scanned my items, I became aware of two young men next to me. I would say they were both in their 20’s. It dawned on me rather quickly that one was helping the other shop for groceries. He was helping him scan each item, slow and meticulously. Talking him through he step. The gentleman being helped was very much enjoying himself. He was laughing…
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