My husband and I spend a lot of time together. But not quality time. He is throwing baseballs and I am doing dishes. He is folding laundry and I am washing a baby in the tub. We are together. But not really. We don’t actually talk. We just do. All the things. And then at the end of the night we are so tired we just sit in silence with the tv on mute. Four kids will do that to you. Tonight we are at a concert together and it…
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My sweet boy, In the beginning, back when I found out I was pregnant with you, I prayed for you to be healthy. When you were born, I prayed for you to breathe. To nurse. To sleep. As you grew from a nugget to a meatball, I prayed for you to roll over, sit up, crawl, and walk. Then I prayed for you to speak. To play. To see other people. To let me touch you. To embrace the world. I prayed for you to be like the other kids…
Read MoreI read a comment on the internet yesterday that said teaching autistic children to communicate is abuse. The commenter said that if a child is unable to communicate than teaching them is abuse. Let that sink in for a second. Now a second more. I let it sink in for the last 24 hours. I kept thinking I would find some pearl of wisdom in the persons way of thinking. But I haven’t. Not yet anyways. Because I want to learn. I want to do what’s best for my son.…
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Today was a day. Long. Hot. A bit boring. Fun at times. The kids are figuring out this summer vacation thing. So are mom and dad. Schedule changes are tough I tell ya. It takes time to settle in. To figure out how to slow down. I watched my two oldest, Sawyer and Cooper, swim for over an hour. At first, just Cooper wanted to swim. It’s his most favorite activity ever. He’s a fish in the water. An autistic adult told me once that being under water is the…
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Sometimes we wonder why. Why did this thing happen to me? Why my spouse or parent or child or friend? Why us? Why not those other people? I think that’s normal…to wonder why. And to want answers. If I’ve learned anything over my 39 years, it’s that there isn’t always a why. Or a black and white definitive answer as to why things happen. And that’s the hardest part. It’s like a wrestling match with your heart and mind and logic and emotions. We want answers. We want accountability. But…
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Some kids never follow the beaten path… Whether it’s from birth or from a later date, some kids don’t follow the beaten path. They don’t meet milestones on time. They don’t follow the norm. They don’t do what every other kids is seemingly doing. My son Cooper is that way. He takes note of what he is ‘supposed’ to do and does the opposite. Some people call him a free spirit. Some call him stubborn. Even challenging. Autistic, disabled, special needs…all words thrown in. It’s hard sometimes. I won’t lie…
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My son, Today is the first day of summer vacation for you. You are 9 and yesterday was your last day of third grade. On the walk to the car after your day, not one minute into summer, you said, I’m a fourth grader now. You have always wanted to be older. Bigger. Faster. You have never had time for little kid stuff. I’ve noticed as we’ve entered these in-between years, parenting is getting a bit more confusing. I find myself questioning myself a lot. Wondering if I’m doing the…
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We used to not be able to have lamps in our home. That sentence right there. That’s the one that people always comment on when I say it during interviews. Then they chuckle when I follow it up with how for weeks we had to eat with headlamps on. In the dark. At our kitchen table. I’m sharing this here because my son Cooper just had one of his best weekends ever. And I spent a little time last night looking at old photos and remembering the beginning of our…
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I saw a post this morning shared by the amazing Jacalyn Wetzel that said something like… ‘Almost zero active shooter drills take into account disabled children.’ I paused when I saw it. I read it again and again. I don’t know if it’s true or not. I guess I’ve never researched the subject. But what I do know is that my son could not hide. Or stay quiet. He could not play dead. He would not be able to think to cover his body with blood from a peer. He…
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I want to acknowledge how hard holidays like this one can be on a family with a member who has a disability. It’s important that we talk about it. Share what we need. Let the world know that we are trying but so often we just can’t. We try. We may fail. We don’t try. We feel left out. Sad. It’s hard. If we do go to the bbq, beach or party, we are usually near but far. We wander the perimeter. We sit in the car. We hide in…
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