Today, I watched you slip away. It happened bit by bit, piece by piece. Slow at first. Then all at once. The elephant in the room got you. The one that steals you from me now and again. The one I refuse to lose you too completely. Anxiety. You have it. Not me. I am just the mother. I am anxiety adjacent. I belong to a boy with anxiety. I see it coming. I feel it and hear it. Other people have no idea. But I do. At 4 am…
Read More
As I sat on the floor beside the bathtub last night, I had a full on back and forth conversation with my daughter. Language is something so many take for granted it’s something I took for granted before I had a child that didn’t speak. If you would’ve told me that my daughter would speak her first word at five I would’ve thought you were crazy. But at five years old it was the first time my daughter spoke. And today, my daughter is a couple of months shy of…
Read More
Without the voices of strong autistic women in our community and the support of people like my mom, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I was recently contacted by an autism mom who told me about her 30-year-old daughter on the autism spectrum and is about to have a baby. She said that she was proud of me for using my voice as a public speaker and self-advocate to spotlight others. If you are reading this, I don’t know why but this instinctively made me think of Women’s…
Read More
My son Cody was diagnosed with severe autism at 17 months. As a parent I had no idea what that even meant. I knew no one on the spectrum. I remember sitting in a sterile office while getting our diagnosis watching my little boy wander around the room opening and closing drawers, trying to leave the room while the doctor sat calmly stating what my son’s future would be. Bleak at best. Place him, he said. You’re both young. Place him? We want him with us. We planned for him.…
Read More
Nearly every parent worries about their child’s future. When it comes to my eight year old autistic son I worry on a heightened level. Recently, on a podcast I co-host, Table for Five No Reservations, we have interviewed parents of disabled adults and some disabled individuals themselves. All with different levels of need and in different areas. In some ways it gave me hope about the future but in many others it scared me. A blatant recurring theme hit me. Opportunities and resources astoundingly decrease when people like my son…
Read More
As the parent of a child with special needs, I often get thoughts and opinions about my parenting from family, friends, and sometimes even strangers. It always leaves me feeling a bit perplexed. I don’t see myself as anything but a regular Mom with different challenges. “You are so strong” Not really, I am walking through my days just trying to do the best I can for my child. Sometimes I feel like I may break, but I keep that to myself. “I don’t know how you do it” It…
Read More
No one has the right to limit or devalue another person. I’ve been thinking about this so much lately. Sometimes I wonder if people realize that they are doing this through their actions, words, and (mis)treatment of others. Sometimes when people learn that my son Stalen is non-speaking, they immediately count him out, ignore him or underestimate him. It’s as if they think the world revolves around being able to speak but that’s simply not the case. Worth is not determined by spoken words. Stalen may be non-speaking but he…
Read More
I saw them before they saw me. Cautiously walking into the movie theater. A mom. A son. The boy was big. Taller than me. He had headphones on. His hands danced like my son. He moved fast and slow getting the lay of the land. I greeted her immediately. I knew she was with us. She was kind. She was looking for her people. ‘After our kids get older, it’s so hard to meet people. Once they are in their twenties…’ her sentence trailing off as she followed behind her…
Read More
You, my sweet girl, Experience the world Around you, In a completely different way Then other people may. But just because it’s different, Doesn’t make it less than. Maybe we should take Things in the way you do. You may not play Pretend Or use toys the way Other children do. But that’s ok. Play is play. And a child can play In their own way. For example, You find the greatest joy In watching things scatter. A cup of water being poured Is your greatest treasure To explore. Sand…
Read More
You see a child lying on the floor watching an iPad in front of the tv. I see progress. I see hopes and wishes happening. I see a child who joined our family for a movie tonight. See, it doesn’t happen all that often. Typically, he stays up on his room watching the history of the great American railway or John Deere tractors. But tonight he came down. He joined us. He brought 3 blankets. And his stories on his iPad. He started on the couch. But prefers the floor.…
Read More