Yesterday morning I was running around getting ready for work. Running late as usual with a million things to do. Cooper was watching Thomas and my husband and Sawyer were still in bed. The house was quiet and dark…one of my favorite times of the day. I ran through the living room and Cooper saw me, pointed to the TV and smiled. He grabbed my hand and led me to the couch. He patted where he wanted me to sit and then snuggled in next to me. He then covered us…
Read MoreI am spiraling down fast. I’m finally seeing it. The behaviors. The rigidity. And it makes it hard for me to breathe. Jamie was on a fishing trip so I flew solo with the boys this weekend. Cooper was Cooper and than add in dogs and a toddler. It is what it is. The problem is I saw Cooper’s rigidity like never before. I think I can say I watched him unravel before my eyes. It’s bad. And it’s controlling every second of our lives. Every meal was a fight. Every thing was a…
Read MoreToday the school psychologist came to our house to do the final in-person evaluation. Our IEP meeting is set for the day after Memorial Day. We are so damn close. The phsycologist recently observed Cooper at daycare and was shocked at how he acted like a different kid in different settings. I totally get this and could said it until I was blue in the face. I actually gave up trying to tell people becaue I started to sound like a broken record. At the school evaluations Cooper resembles Lucifer. And…
Read MoreThere are so many things I didn’t know before this whole special needs journey started. Things I don’t want to know actually. For example, I never knew the importance of imaginative play. Let me rephrase that. I knew the importance of imaginative play but I did not know that some people don’t have it. Or that when you don’t have it you really struggle to occupy your mind. I’ve always had a huge imagination. I pretty much play everything out in my head before it actually happens. True story. I have made…
Read MoreI am a different person lately. I can’t help but think that this is how it should be. I picked the boys up from daycare yesterday and was told that Cooper had am amazing day. He initiated play with the blocks all on his own. And he ate a tuna melt. Um…I can’t get Cooper to eat anything and he eats a whole tuna melt at daycare. And also tried an apple for her. I was walking on air when I left. And no screaming on the way home. Score. And…
Read MoreWe are having good days. As usual, I am so nervous to type it because I feel like it will jinx it. Cooper is learning, laughing and even improving. I would say around age 2 I started to notice that Cooper either had good days or bad days. I would try to explain it to people but I don’t think they believed me. But now, after creating this circle of other moms like me, I know it is common. Where Sawyer learns something new every single day, Cooper may not…
Read MoreI absolutely love this. To all of the Super Cooper’s out there! Keep fighting.
Read MoreI’ve spent the last few weeks feeling sorry for myself and for our situation. To put a date on it I have been struggling since Easter. I think it’s all so real now. Most likely because of all the evaluations. They are so brutal. And, of course, I know a label/diagnosis is coming and I can’t run anymore. But, it’s time to dig out of this funk. I am ready. I will throw this kid on my back and climb up a damn mountain if I have too. Being sad doesn’t get you anywhere. And…
Read MoreThere is such a huge difference between ‘can’t’ and ‘won’t.’ Basically trying and failing or refusing to try at all. Cooper refuses to try and it makes me freaking insane. As a parent it is heartbreaking to see your child try and fail. And trust me, I know this firsthand. It seems like every week we are doing one or two evaluations and I watch as cooper fails it all. And then add in the fact that his 15 month old brother is toddling along side him doing it all.…
Read MoreI can think of a dozen times throughout this journey where I have considered taking my family and moving away. I fantasized that we would buy a cabin on a lake somewhere. Jamie and I would both work from home and we would raise the kids the way we wanted too. I would even homeschool the boys. Doing this seemed so right. Probably because the parent of a special needs child lives in constant Fight or Flight mode. I guess what I am really trying to say is that I fantasize about…
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