I don’t know a lot about other autistic children. Hell, I often feel like I have the only nonverbal autistic child in the world. Which I know can’t be true. But it sure feels that way. When I think about a child having a disorder that affects socialization and language my logical (or ignorant) side always assumed they wouldn’t be sweet. Or crave love and affection. But that is the opposite of Cooper. Cooper is so unbelievably sweet. This kid physically doesn’t know how to be mean. Or how to…
Read MoreI said something really horrible about autism. And it wasn’t in the privacy of my own home after few glasses of wine like a good mother would do. It was a full blown word vomit in front of Cooper’s doctor. Sometimes I feel like I am the only mom in the world that has these thoughts. Or at least the only mom that shares them with the world. We brought Cooper to the doctor for his pre-op physical a few days ago. Per the usual Cooper tore that room apart. He gets in these…
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I want to tell you something I’ve learned. If you read my blog regularly you know that I talk mostly about my experiences raising an autistic child and how they make ME feel. I feel like I rarely ever give advice because I spend 95% of the time in survival mode. And autism is the biggest mystery in the world to me. But I try to help when I can. So I am pretty excited to say that I had an epiphany this weekend. I guess you could call it self growth.…
Read MoreYou can ask any autism parent about what it’s like to raise a little person with a big diagnosis. You will get many answers about what it’s like. And that’s because there are no two autistic people that are the same. And on top of that, I think parents acknowledge and accept it in different ways. For me autism is frustrating. And exhausting. And heartbreaking. And dreadfully hopeful. And painful. And above all a process. A slow process that crawls along with glimpses of the future. Autism is expensive. And SO…
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Most days I don’t think about Autism. Not the word or the disorder or anything to do with it. Cooper is just Cooper and he is who he is. And that’s that. Dare I say I was getting cocky. I may even say I let my guard down. Since we did the move and put Coops in intensive therapy there are parts of him that seem almost healed. Or normal. Or whatever PC word I’m allowed to say. Zero meltdowns, good transitions, improved skills, etc. Still no words but great…
Read MoreSometimes I get so caught up in the appointments and therapies and sadness and emotions that I actually forget Cooper is a 4 year old boy. An extremely sensitive, precocious, naughty little boy who is obsessed with hugs and holding hands. Who squeals every single day to be tickled and chased and thrown in the air. And a little boy who just mastered waving hello and goodbye and believes that when he waves to a person the situation should be over immediately. Sigh, my sweet boy…if only that were true.…
Read MoreI got a letter in the mail yesterday telling me that Coopers insurance benefits are reinstated. I breathed a sigh of relief that could have been heard cross country. And I instantly felt like a weight had been lifted. And then promptly drank a bottle of wine and watched The Girlfriends Guide to Divorce…my favorite show. And zoned the F out. I literally shut down for the whole night. I thought autism was heavy but it nowhere nears the stress of not being able to pay for the help he…
Read MoreI got a call yesterday afternoon from Cooper’s school. It was a man asking me about our experience with Fraser. He said he didn’t have any specific questions and would like if I just spoke freely about our experiences. I told him an overview of our story and that we loved Fraser. It has changed our lives. He was the sweetest man and said he was at a loss for words at the love we have Cooper. He then went onto tell me that his autistic nephew is 11 and…
Read MoreI went to a seminar last week on navigating the Medical Assistance waters. It was pretty intense. Typically, those types of events make me sad. I hate that I need to be there. I am resentful. I am tired. Blah, blah, blah. But, I am glad I went. I am in a battle with the county over Cooper’s benefits. We moved our whole lives here so Cooper could attend a school that has the price tag of Yale. And we need help paying for it. Here is how the county…
Read MoreI brought Super Cooper to school today because the bus system can’t seem to get their shit together. Which is just awesome. But, the positive, I got an extra few minutes with Cooper. And something extraordinary happened. We were driving to school and I was rushed and going a million miles a minutes. The usual. I started to tell Cooper all about his day. Just like we had been doing since 6:30 am. I’m not sure if telling him about his day helps but we do it anyways. So, I…
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