I spend a lot of time thinking about all the things I’ve missed with Cooper. I know…he doesn’t know…he’s happy…he’s not missing out…blah, blah, blah. Those three things top my list of ‘What not to say to an Autism mom.’ But I know. I see it everyday in Sawyer. I know what I am missing. It’s a whole life. It’s language and emotion and socialization and laughter and interaction. I am missing it all. It comes in waves. Sawyer and I were looking through his baby book last night. We…
Read MoreI’m not always up for trying new therapy’s with Cooper. And there are MANY reasons why. First, they are expensive. A lot of therapies are not covered by insurance. Pre-autism I was unaware of the black hole of death that is health insurance. When you don’t need it….but have it…it’s great. When you have it…and need it…and your kid needs everything…it can be very tough. Second, no therapy that you want to try will ever be conveniently located or at a time that works. It’s the truth. Plus, my kid…
Read MoreI found this quote today on Pinterest and it jumped off the page to me. While I don’t believe that God only gives special kiddos to parents that can handle it…I DO BELIEVE I am blessed to be Super Cooper’s mom. And my life’s work is to make sure he is happy, safe and has the best life possible.
Read MoreI often question how much I should push Cooper. And motivate him. And I really ask myself how much I should expect from him. If I completely lower my standards than I feel that I have given up on him. And his future. But I also can’t expect him to behave like a typical kid. Those skills are not there. I had Cooper’s yearly evaluation at Fraser last week. It went pretty well. He has really, really improved in the last year. I heard a lot of comments on how…
Read MoreI thought by now I would have mastered autism. I truly did. And that I would be the one giving advice to other mamas. I thought by now that my nonverbal boy would be talking away. And potty trained. I thought by this time we would be so much farther along. We are not. In some ways we are in the same spot. Standing still. I just spent 5 minutes scrolling through Pinterest. I entered one word into the search box…Autism. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. Maybe hope.…
Read MoreDo you know that I was actually stressed about posting that video of Cooper making sounds online. I’ve been doing this for 3 years. I’ve been waiting for the words for so long. And I start to feel like my hope is like a broken record. Even today, I regretted it. I know the comments I will hear from people now. Don’t be sad…he’s making sounds. He’s close to talking. Someday he will talk. It will happen soon. It’s almost like these videos are ammunition of hope. But what the mom inside me…
Read MoreJamie and I had a late night conversation last night about the nonverbal struggles. We both agree that although nonverbal is hard…it’s the delays in ‘understanding’ that is harder. There is no waiting. There is a little tiny bit of ‘first this, than that’. There is very little reasoning. And holy moly can that kid carry on. At times I am secretly impressed by his devotion to the things he loves. If only his devotion didn’t have to be so damn loud and shrill. I truly believe the language is coming. I…
Read MoreSo where have we been?!?! Soaking up summer the good old fashioned way! Cooper is done with preschool for the summer and is only attending Fraser. Which is still five days a week. He is also getting speech 1x per week and OT 1x per week. He handled the transition like a boss. As rigid as he can be that kid can go with the flow on so many other things. We found out that Cooper knows all of his letters and numbers up to 10. He also knows his…
Read MoreWhen you google signs of autism…or talk to someone about autism….you typically hear the same signs. Lack of eye contact. Lack of affection. Withdrawn behaviors. Social delays. Cognitive delays. Playing with toys in odd manners. And the list goes on. When I used to ‘think’ about autism I would think of a really withdrawn child. I would think of a kiddo that didn’t hug or give love. And that wasn’t Cooper. So I told myself it wasn’t autism. I would lay in bed at night and mentally tick of the things he did…
Read MoreThere are no medals given out to special needs moms. It’s not like you do all this and at the end you get an award. There are very few breaks. Very few kudos. And in my world even fewer thank you’s. For some moms there are no hugs. Or kisses. But you do it. You keep fighting. It’s a mixture of hope and desperation. And not a day goes by when you don’t wonder…‘Am I doing the right things for my child?’ And here is the truth. I didn’t get a…
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