Living with Cooper is stressful. I feel it. I’ve always felt it. Half of this damn blog is about the stress of autism. Since the day he was born sleeping has been a challenge. Eating is hard. The list goes on. I know that as a family we walk on egg shells to avoid meltdowns. We give in when we shouldn’t. We allow behaviors we shouldn’t. Candy and suckers and bribes are used more than they should be. We are at the mercy of autism. Cooper throws. He lashes out.…
Read MoreIs Cooper my greatest pity party? Such an interesting question. It was said to me the other day. In anger of course, but there was something behind it. It had some legs on it. And it truly got me thinking. Is Cooper my greatest pity party? Hhhmmm. I am very open that I am heartbroken over Cooper’s autism. It’s gotten better after almost 5 years but, nevertheless, the heartbreak is still there. I am also a tad bit bitter over how my life is different. Which is the part that a…
Read MoreI’ve been thinking a lot about Cooper attending kindergarten next year. Right now he goes to an autism preschool at the actual elementary school. He rides the bus. Which is great. His class has 4 other kiddos in it. And every day they join the typical 4K kiddos. It is a completely controlled setting. It’s 3 hours long and Cooper has a teacher and an aide and a speech therapist and an occupational therapist. He lives in a bubble. When I went to the open house this year I watched…
Read MoreIf you talk to parent’s of autistic kids they will often say that their kid goes through periods with no improvement. And often you can mix in a little regression. For example, when Cooper was two years old he forgot how to drink out of a straw. Or sleep is a big one. Cooper didn’t sleep through the night until he was 2. And then slept through the night from age 2 to 3 and then suddenly stopped again. There is no rhyme or reason. Look at your child right…
Read MoreThere are a lot of first times in our children’s lives. There are good first times and bad first times. This is life. And then there is the first time another person is mean to your son because he is autistic. It finally happened. I’ve been waiting actually. I knew it was coming. Cooper is so loud. He runs. If he gets super stressed he will push people. It’s partly sensory seeking. Partly out of not knowing what to do. He has very, very little self awareness. And zero understanding…
Read MoreJust because shits been getting a little heavy in my world… I had a good nights sleep and woke up to Super Cooper carrying a picture around of our family. That kid has an element of sweetness and love I’ve never seen before. As I made my coffee he grabbed my hand and pointed to my face in the picture, giggled and then hugged my leg. And then my heart actually exploded. Damn you kid. Just when I was going to give up you sucked me back in. …
Read MoreI gave up yesterday. The details really don’t matter I guess. All that matters is I was pushed to that place where I didn’t recognize myself. I’m fighting with Cooper’s school and for the first time I saw that they are looking at him as a number and not a child. All the horror stories I’ve read about schools and special needs kids happened. I spent hours talking to people that have never met Cooper….nor do they really care about his best interest. Cooper is a special child with special…
Read MoreI’ve reached my limit with potty training Cooper. I’ve exhausted all options that I know of. I need help. I am waving the white flag. Or crying in front of the toilet after being kicked in the shins. Either one. There are good things happening. The kid does not want to wear a diaper…especially a wet one. He takes it off if we put one on him. And here’s the kicker. He stays dry. He has excellent bladder control. And when he has to pee he will bring us a…
Read MoreOne of my greatest fears is losing Cooper. He’s not necessarily a runner or a wanderer, which are traits highly associated with autism, but still….the fear is real. Cooper will most likely not call out if he is lost. Or answer to his name. Or come running. Or even recognize the fear of being lost. And Cooper looks like a completely average little boy and his disability may net even be recognized. So as Cooper has aged, his dad and I know that there will most likely come a time…
Read MoreI made the decision when Cooper started at Fraser that either Jamie or I would pick him up 5 days a week. I did this because Cooper is nonverbal. And he is getting highly intensive therapy 5 days a week. And if I don’t pick him up I have no idea what is happening in his world. Imagine never being able to ask your kid how their day was. Or what they did. It really, really stinks. So every single day, either Jamie or I, sit in the Fraser parking…
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