I screamed as loud as I could as the water from the shower head poured over me. I have no idea how long I was in there. I don’t know if anyone heard. Worst of all, I didn’t know if anyone cared. I had reached the end of my rope very quickly in raising a child with autism. With our extreme efforts and my sons lack of progress I told myself I was the problem. I started to consider removing myself from the picture. But the problem didn’t begin overnight. It…
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To my son, I knew at a very young age I wanted to be a mother. I had to wait a long time for you to come but when you did I was so happy. You were so beautiful and I was finally a mother! I loved our perfect little family and loved watching you grow and become the person you are today. When I was ready to give you a little brother or a little sister I could picture our family doing many things and couldn’t wait for you…
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“Put him in preschool and join a support group.” Those nine words changed my life forever. We had spent all summer at doctor and therapy appointments trying to get to the bottom of what was going on with Reece. I knew deep down in my mother heart that Reece had autism. I had known for awhile. But I didn’t know what to do, where to go, what should/could happen, nothing. I remember those words like it was yesterday, even though, now, it’s been almost 12 years ago. My first emotion…
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Its been a long time since I wrote. Something happened yesterday that I wanted to bring back to my thinking pad. This has been a place of thinking and talking whenever I have an ‘aha’ moment or whenever I have to work through something. For the first time, we let our son V participate in choir. He loves music, listens to something all the time, Alexa is his new best friend, and he also has a decent voice. Choir had around 70 kids and we were doubtful but the program director agreed…
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Last week, my son Noah slightly hit himself in the face, and his head out of frustration. And do you like how I say slightly? I have to down play it, because that has never happened before…and I can’t believe it nor can I stop thinking about it. Because my kid’s not supposed to do that. He’s supposed to be high functioning? Not that the label really matters. But I’m expecting the words to come, and the communication to start flowing, and even his interests to change. But what if…
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October 4th 2017. A day I will never forget. One filled with such mixed emotions… dread and anticipation. I remember sitting in the waiting room of the neurodevelopment center, watching my two year old, Brayden, play with a child life specialist. I was exactly one month postpartum from having my second son, so my hormones (and emotions) were wild. I remember looking at my happy, beautiful toddler, knowing this was the last time he was “Brayden, who has a speech delay”. I knew when we left this appointment he would…
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I know you are home Cooper. Because you are always home. If you aren’t at school, you are here. You like being here. Home is your whole entire world. You don’t have play dates. You don’t have sports. There is no one picking you up to take you somewhere special. It doesn’t work like that in our world. Although I can name quite a few people that would literally drop everything to take you somewhere if you ever asked. You are comfortable here. You are safe here. There are no…
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As a mom to a little boy with nonverbal autism, I worry about so many things. A big one is…will he be able to communicate when I am not around? Right now, today, the answer is no. Even with his communication device, Cooper still can’t respond to simple questions. What is you name? Are you lost? Do you need help? And say he did have his communication device with him. What if the battery died. What if it malfunctioned. We just can’t trust that right now. All of this scares…
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Life can throw you curveballs. Things can change in an instant and take your life in a direction that you never expected. My second pregnancy was riddled with endless nausea. Life was hectic, and there wasn’t time to stop – I worked full time (I managed to drive to work while vomiting in a plastic bag), and had an energetic one-year old. My belly was much larger this time around also. At my 34th week OB visit, the doc mentioned I was measuring as if I were two weeks overdue,…
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It happened today. You told me you can feed yourself. And in full disclosure…this was not the first time you’ve told me, ‘I can do it.’ You’ve been telling me that since you were a baby. ‘I do it.’ You’ve always been so strong willed. So independent. You wanted to buckle yourself. Wipe yourself. Get your own snacks. I could go on and on. You have an independence about you Sawyer that I didn’t know could exist in a child. And then this morning, I was rushing you along. I…
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