Posts

Mama, I Don’t Want my Baby Brother to Have Autism

July 9, 2018

On Sundays we eat dinner at Jamie’s parents. Often, this is our only trip outside of our house as a family. We treasure it. We look forward to it. They only live 10 minutes or so away but sometimes the trips can feel like an eternity. I of course was sitting in the backseat with both boys. On trips longer than a few minutes, I often sit between them. One of Cooper’s biggest struggles is still vehicle safety. When he gets anxious, or his Kindle stops working to his liking,…

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It’s About So Much More Than Fireworks

July 5, 2018

It’s not about watching the fireworks. Or seeing children run around with sparklers. It’s not about the parades. Or eating the hotdogs and potato salad. It’s not about going camping. Because let’s be honest about how much work that really is for parents. It’s not about sitting at the beach. Or riding your bike around the neighborhood. It’s about so much more than those activities. It’s not about parents that are complaining about missing an event. Because I’ve heard that. I’ve read the comments from people outside the world of…

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Dreading Church

July 3, 2018

I dread going to church. I have not always felt this way. I was a born and raised a church girl. My childhood was delightfully filled with potlucks and pews. I loved church. I grew up and married a man who also loved church. We had two babies and took them to church. When our first daughter, Alaina was three she was diagnosed with autism. We sat in the office of the psychologist on a Wednesday. Our known world was falling apart, but we discovered that church was still there.…

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I Will Give You The World Kid

July 2, 2018

For the first five years of my son’s life, he never asked me for anything. No birthday presents. No trips to Lego Land. No demanding things in the Target checkout line. Some of you with children may think I am lucky. I don’t look at it that way. Until you live it, you can never truly understand either. For the first few years of Cooper’s life, he really never asked for anything. He never told us when he was hungry. He never asked for a drink. He never told us…

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Living With a Child Who Has Anxiety

June 25, 2018

New Video! I know, it’s been a while. I want to talk about living with a child who has anxiety, rigidity and unsafe behaviors. What that feels like for the parents. And how it controls everything. Imagine having a person in your home who’s hyper focused on unsafe behaviors. Who doesn’t understand social norms. Who can’t hit reset when you tell them to stop. Their behaviors are relentless. They don’t take a break. They are hyper-focused. They want to escape from your home. If you turn your back for a…

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The Silence Can Be Deafening

June 25, 2018

There are times when the silence is deafening. When the lack of speech and two-way conversation fills up a car so loudly you feel like screaming. Seven years. Almost eight. Think of all the conversations we should have had. All the questions he should have asked me. I should know his favorite color. And animal. He should be talking my ear off. And asking me nonstop questions. It should be one more drink of water before bed. Or one more story. I should be praying for quiet. For just one…

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We Choose Joy, But That Doesn’t Mean It Isn’t Hard

June 23, 2018

This morning Jamie and I sat on the loveseat together at 7 am drinking our coffee. Side by side. We were smooshed in. Cooper had the other couch to himself. He sat dead in the center with his treasures spread out around him. On one side were photos. To us they appear random. To him they are everything. On the other side meticulously arranged is a flyer for a local realty place, a Barney DVD case, a Pet the Cat book and the DVD, Blue Mountain Mystery. Jamie and I…

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Adjusting to Having a Child in Residential Treatment

June 22, 2018

This is a follow up post to ‘Let’s Talk About Residential Treatment.’ Margaret shares their families experience with making the agonizing decision to place their son in Residential Treatment. I never thought residential would be easy. It’s a whole different kind of roller coaster or maybe the power tower. The up. The down. Surprisingly, I find myself enjoying the “easy” parts. The day to day with just the two other boys, going to my sons baseball games, going out to eat and running errands. I can tell my body and…

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My Son Doesn’t Have A Special Talent

June 21, 2018

We had our son Cody’s transitional IEP meeting today. We talked about the program Cody will be attending after High School and if it will be a good fit for him. As we went around the table everyone introducing themselves, I found myself torn with emotion. Here I sit with the teachers, coordinators, OT, speech pathologist, and caseworkers who all were instrumental in helping Cody get where he is today. And it seems with every IEP meeting I always ask myself the same questions. ‘Am I doing the right thing?’…

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The Day I Will Never Forget

June 20, 2018

It was a beautiful Wednesday June 7, 2017 day. Extremely sunny and warm. Our son Kash was in a great mood. My husband and I were not. We were on edge that day. We were headed to get Kash’s evaluation to see if he was on the autism spectrum. Adam was trying his best to cheer me up, but in the end I couldn’t cheer up. No parent ever wants to go through wondering if your child could be on the spectrum. We arrived and got him all checked in.…

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