I had no idea that there would be so many different stages surrounding my son’s autism. For example I thought getting the diagnosis would be the hardest part. I really did. I thought going through the pain of realizing something was wrong, making the phone call for the appointment, bringing my baby to be evaluated and hearing the words, ‘yes he is autistic,’ would be the hardest parts we would ever have to go through. We would get help and it would be fine. I was wrong. There are so…
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I’m in bed feeding my beautiful boy his bottle of milk. He’s cradled in my arms and I’m enjoying the cuddle, the quiet, the stillness. Then his brother walks in, leans over and kisses his brother on the forehead. I’ve waited for a moment like this for a lifetime, literally. My heart could burst. Their first kiss! Then I’m bought back down to earth with such an overwhelming pang of sadness. I can’t help but feel it. It’s a bittersweet moment because I’m feeding and cradling in my arms my…
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There have been many “hardest” autism moments, and the truth is, when I think it can’t get harder, there is always a next time that makes it harder. I hope that makes sense. There have been many “best moments” too, but let’s talk about the hard times, because we currently just had a horrible moment. The first hardest autism moment came before I even knew he had autism. We had just dropped Dad off for a year long deployment at the airport. I wouldn’t have even attempted the store, but…
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This weekend I shared a photo of Cooper resting after a pretty brutal anxiety attack. You can read about it HERE. I wrote about how our family is at a unique crossroads. We need to figure out how to manage his anxiety, give our other children a normal life and keep our sanity. i said anxiety won. And someone responded with…’you can’t let Cooper win.’ Like he was deliberately sabotaging our family outing. I just shook my head when I read that. Cooper isn’t winning. No one is. We are…
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Being a mom is the biggest blessing that I have ever been given. It is also the most challenging adventure that I have ever been on. When I found out that I was pregnant, I dreamed of all the fun things my son and I were going to do. I dreamed what my son was going to accomplish. And then one day, I realized my dreams were just dreams, and that my reality was different than what I had ever imagined it was going to be. Motherhood looks different than…
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For the first six years of my son’s life he didn’t care at all about Christmas. He didn’t care about the presents, or the tree, or Santa. He didn’t care about celebrating with our family, or traditions, or preparing for the holiday. It was so hard on our family. And as he got older, it got harder. There was no making a Christmas list, attending church, baking cookies, visiting Santa or even going to dinner at Grandma’s house. Not only did he not understand, he detested opening gifts, the music,…
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Last year, I felt more worried than usual that our program numbers were going to drop. I’m a choreographer for a theatre program for kids with disabilities who are partnered by peer mentors, a unique program called the Penguin Project. We’d been running our Penguin chapter for 4 years, and I knew the day would come when Artists and Mentors who had been with us from the beginning would start to move on, to jobs or high school activities or dance or sports. I was preparing myself for it. Seeking…
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Taking photos of my beautiful boys and crazy, wild life is one of my favorite things to do. Part of me wishes I would have became a photographer. Photos show our life in a way that my written words never could. Super Cooper celebrated his eight birthday at school on Friday. He brought cupcakes and they had a dance party. I can’t even tell you how much it means to me to get photos sent to me of him enjoying his day. When you have a nonverbal kid, you typically…
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Dear Grandma, Grandma! Grandma! Grandma! I know that’s what you so badly want to hear me say. I want to say it too! Thank you for waiting patiently to hear it. Just know when I grab your hand and pull you to the couch that is my way of calling your name. Thank you grandma for waiting for me to get off the bus from school everyday. I know somedays I’m so tired after school and I’m not always easy to handle. But you still greet me with the biggest…
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When do you stop trying to do the normal stuff? Is it like introducing a new food to a toddler? I read years ago about weaning a baby and introducing food saying you should try your child with something 8-10 times before you accept they don’t like it. Is life the same? Or am I being cruel? We are in our last couple of days of our vacation (we call it a holiday). I have tried my best not to push my son’s boundaries too much but just enough to…
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