Some days, most days actually, I am happy. Like, really happy. Why would I not be? I am blessed beyond belief. I have three amazing kids and a wonderful husband. My family is healthy. So am I. We do not lack for anything. I recognize our blessings. And I am thankful for them. But my life, by most people’s standards, is hard. It’s loud. It’s chaotic. It may appear as if I am drowning at times. Or like I’m barely keeping my head above water. It also may appear that…
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Autism has been a part of my life for 20 years. I have 2 sons with Autism. I feel like I know it well. I’m comfortable now. I’m in a groove. There were hard, hard days for many years. Sleepless nights (literally); stress, grief, and confusion as to how to navigate this new life. I remember one day in particular during Spring Break….my kids were home from school, and I was literally loosing my mind. My son was in rare form. I couldn’t leave him alone for 2 seconds. After…
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My son Nolan was born May 2007. He was the easiest baby who came with a painless, smooth delivery. He made parenthood a breeze. There was no hesitation in giving him a sibling right away. Mylan was born December 2008, and Nolan wanted nothing to do with him. He would hide his head or leave the room entirely if Mylan cried. I could never get that beautiful proud picture of big brother holding newborn brother. I was horrified that the loves of my life were not like the online photos…
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If you ask any special needs parent, they will tell you that their number one fear is worrying about who will care for their child after they are too old or die. It’s mine for sure. I have spent countless hours staring at my beautiful, innocent son and worrying. When I wipe his face. Or his bottom. When I wash his hair in the bathtub. When I walk him across the street or through a parking lot. I worry. He is 8. He needs constant supervision. He will most likely…
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Isla’s first few months at the new ABA clinic were going great. She was learning a ton, and she really enjoyed seeing new therapists and kiddos each day as the clinic grew. However, with each new therapist came a new opportunity to test the limits and boundaries of her behavior. In about the second or third monthly parent training, I learned of a new behavior that was the most disturbing for me as a mother, a woman, and a healthcare professional. We were reviewing the graphs of Isla’s different behaviors,…
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This morning you woke me up. The same way you do every single day. You come puttering in. Heavy feet. Full hands. Already giggling. You stand next to my face. You touch my cheek. Although you know that I am already awake. My mind and heart are so in tune to you Cooper that I swear I know the second you open your eyes. I joke that we are like an old married couple. You put my glasses on my face. And put my phone in my hand. And you…
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Our Dearest Son Dominick, As I sit here and write this letter to you I have to fight back tears. A whole new set of tears. I’ve shed what feels like a million of them since that ‘diagnosis day,’ but haven’t let myself feel these. These are the tears I cry for you Dominick. They are tears of worry, of guilt, of sadness but above all happiness. Happiness that you were our first born. That you were our typical son. That you gave us a chance to experience a childhood…
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Let’s be honest, more than likely you never saw yourself where you are at this moment in time – you had a different picture. There are moments in our lives that change us – they can change our path in life or maybe just change a feeling we have. Being a military family means moving, which means making new friends. We have been blessed with wonderful, and VERY understanding people in our lives at every location we have lived. My seven-year-old, Bodi, is a very social boy who always has…
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I registered my son for school today. I drove five minutes from my house on this cold winter morning and walked into the office with all of our forms: his birth certificate, our utility bills, his physical. This school is a large part of our community. It’s the only school in town, and it’s a one school district. It’s where I always envisioned my son starting school. But today, when I walked into that office, I knew I wouldn’t be coming back and that my son will probably never even…
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The flu overtook our house this last week. First the baby. Then Sawyer. Then Cooper. And finally me. I found myself curled up in a blanket in bed yesterday afternoon. And Sawyer found me. He crawled in my bed and gave me that adorable smile of his. He went onto ask me a hundred and one questions. He asked me why rainbow trout look like rainbows. He asked me if I have ever caught a catfish. He asked me if I was a better fisherman than daddy. He told me…
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