Jamie and I had one of those weekends as parents. You know, one that just depletes you. Where you wave the white flag, but quickly realize no one seems to care and that you are the adults and you just need to survive. We have a sick baby. A really, really sick baby who isn’t sleeping. Sawyer had three hockey games. That I had to miss. Which made me feel terrible. Cooper’s anti-anxiety medication seems to be leveling out again. Just like everything else we have tried over the years,…
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I am so excited and honored to introduce you to Peri of Not Raingirl. I have been following Peri for quite some time and trying to learn everything I can from her. Not only is she amazing herself, I know that she can help me be a better mom to Cooper. Take a read as she describes what it feels like to be nonverbal. Peri’s Story I was not fully verbal until I was 10 years old. I said my first word at 6 years old, but stopped saying much…
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I write this soaked in tears. Another story of a teacher abusing an innocent child. I’m so incredibly sick about the stories that are coming out almost everyday now. Those are just the ones we know of. Some of our kiddos can’t communicate. They can’t tell us how their days are. We basically have to be mind readers and go off their body language. This last story I just read was that special needs teachers locked kids in a dark bathroom and blew whistles in their face all while holding…
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I don’t feel this way all the time. But some days I get in my feelings. I go to my dark place, and I vent to myself. Yes, to myself. We all do it. I let myself go here and then I pull it together. I gather myself, my feelings and keep moving forward. My moments go something like this… I’m tired of being tired! I am tired of feeling bad for being tired. Tired of the weight. Tired of scheduling everything. Tired of making decisions. Tired of not getting…
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The date was Monday, February 2nd, 2015, the day I now vividly remember as the day I found out my son had Autism. I remember the date, because it was the day my new baby turned exactly two weeks old. My dear friend Aimee was visiting for the first time since my 4th child was born. My new daughter Lainey, two weeks old at the time, was chilling in Aimee’s arms while our other kids ran around tearing up the house like they always did. My then 19 month old…
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While walking through the grocery store, I recognized a mother and her daughter, about 10 years old, chatting and shopping together. I knew the mother years ago when her oldest daughter, now 19, was friends with my oldest daughter. They met in first grade and became instant friends. A few years passed and this mother and I were pregnant at the same time. We both had baby girls just a few months apart. I remember my oldest commenting about how the two baby girls would naturally play together someday. This…
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My darling girls, Please forgive me. Valentine’s Day came and went without a special something from me. Yes, I sent you a text with my favorite bitmojis (you know my obsession with them), but that was not my plan when the month started and it is far less than either of you deserve. As a society, we devote each month to some type of awareness. In April I put my game face on and try to cheerlead autism but usually by the second week that enthusiasm has fizzled and the…
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Dylan, you will be three years old very soon. I can’t believe that. It seems like only yesterday that we were worried we would never even have a child. After three long years of trying, we conceived you! We could not have been more excited to welcome you! The overwhelming love I had for you when you were born was palpable. It was like a ton of bricks and I felt instantly connected to you. You cried when you were born but the moment you were laid on my chest…
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I had three babies in three years. Shortly after I had my last baby people began to ask, “Are you done?” Sometimes kidding and sometimes serious, but it always felt like a punch in the gut. My dream was four or five children, but after Jackson’s diagnosis and three babies, four or five was just not in the cards for us. I’m finally accepting that we are done, and I’m ok with that. Now when I think about my family I think of our Jackson boy. Our four year old…
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I used to think the measure of success was completing something right. Perfection. I thought that in order to win, or succeed, you had to nail it. Do it by the book. I thought that was the goal. Success. That all changed after I had you kid. You showed me that there are many, many ways to achieve success. I want to thank you for that. A few days ago you tried jello and whipped cream. For the first time ever. Your brother was having some. And you noticed. I…
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