Hearts have always been my son’s favorite shape. Because of his autism and limited verbal skills, in all of his five years on earth he hasn’t told me this, I just know. He is drawn to them. He likes to build them by putting other shapes together and points them out whenever he comes across one. This makes perfect sense, with him being the sweetest little guy I know. Sweet, and a little spicy, too. He is often in his own world, one that we are constantly working to understand,…
Read More
Yes – I said it. Regressions sucks. Seeing my son who works so hard everyday lose skills and gain more anxiety is one of the most difficult aspects of this journey. He works so hard for each and every skill he has and to see one of them disappear is heart wrenching. We are currently in the mist of regression. When Jayden gets into a regression it seems to last months and it takes nearly everything inside of us to bring him out of it. Luckily each time his team…
Read More
I absolutely love being a boy mom. Race cars, dirt, and ornery smiles. I had just found out we were pregnant that week with our second blessing. We were sitting on the couch after my oldest sons evaluation awaiting to hear the words I already knew were coming. “You’re son is on the spectrum”. My sweet toddler. Laying on the floor with a car on top of his chest. Spinning the wheels. Months later we find out the baby is a boy. Our second boy. Spinning car wheels flash in…
Read More
‘I think it’s terrible that you go places without Cooper all the time. I think you are awful, awful parents. And you are teaching your other children that Cooper doesn’t matter. Shame on you.’ -An excerpt of a recent email from a super fan. Very little amazes me on this blogging journey anymore. Even an email like this one. But what does amaze me is how people still don’t understand the agonizing decisions that special needs parents have to make every day. And that even though we make the tough…
Read More
Raising two girls with autism has made me stronger than I ever imagined I could be. I have found strength at my low points that looking back feels like someone else. The rare times when I allow myself to think about why my husband and I “chosen” for this life, I’m not sure it was because we were particularly strong before autism. We were young, invincible, and soul mates from the start. We were together for 4 years before our fairy tale wedding and knew we wanted to start a…
Read More
While at a recent doctor appointment I was chatting with a young, pregnant woman. I congratulated her and asked her if she knew the sex of the baby. She said she didn’t know and didn’t have a preference, “as long as the baby is healthy.” I smiled and nodded but inside I thought about how this phrase has a new meaning to me since my daughter’s autism diagnosis seven years ago. When someone uses that phrase, I feel sadness in my heart. I think to myself, will she accept and…
Read More
When a child is diagnosed with autism, it can feel like the whole world is collapsing. I should know — I felt that way in 1999 when my son, Lucas, was diagnosed with moderate-to-severe autism just before his third birthday. My younger son, Spencer, was 18 months old and all the dreams I had of them growing up and being best friends disappeared. It makes me sad to think of how devastated and disappointed I felt in those early days, and I wish I could go back and give myself…
Read More
I’ve prayed for peace a lot. When you have anxiety, you learn how to manage it and be more calm. Prayer is my favorite and most regularly used tool. If you’re a mom of a child with autism, I will pray for your peace too. When I pray, I usually spend a lot of time in gratitude. It’s hard to worry about anything when you are being thankful for the present. If you’re in conflict with anything or anyone, you can’t be at peace. Anger is not a peaceful place…
Read More
I want to thank you kid. It’s as simple and as complicated as that. I want to thank you for being you. This morning I dropped you off for your first day at an all-day play program. You had never been there before. You didn’t know what to expect. I promised games and kids and fun. But I could tell you were a little nervous. On the drive over you were so excited to have a lunch packed. That was a huge deal to you. As usual you were peppering…
Read More
Our son was diagnosed with autism in October 2018. It’s taken me some time to feel comfortable talking about his diagnosis. I just wasn’t ready to talk about how I was feeling. But now I think I am finally ready to answer the inevitable question that follows my disclosure: So, how do you feel about your son’s autism diagnosis? It’s not a short answer because I have lots of different feelings about the diagnosis… Relief My initial emotion when I got the diagnosis was relief. Relief that the past two…
Read More