We have been on the autism journey for just over four years. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting at the appointment watching the doctor run a series of predictable tests, biting my tongue and holding myself back from blurting out all I felt I needed to say. I watched her hand him toy after toy trying to see if he knew what to do with it (like give the toy bottle to the baby doll). And toy after toy he would throw it, or bite it, or break…
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“He qualifies for the full day program.” It was like being smacked with a brick. How on earth could I put my little boy, who said nothing, into the care of complete strangers and trust that he will be taken care of the way I take care of him. When my son was 2 years and 8 months old he went to a preschool screening and I was faced with another harsh reality, that he was still so behind. He qualified for all day preschool and would be starting there…
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It started off like any other Friday morning. I was rushing around trying to get 3 kids out the door for kindergarten drop off. There was a lot of “get your shoes on,” “are your shoes on yet,“ “that’s it we are leaving with or without the shoes.” Finally, after loading all 3 kids into the mini van we were off. I parked on Varian Way the same street we have parked on since my oldest son started school last year. The kids got out and we set off. Sadie…
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There is a meme going around Facebook land right now. It’s not new. It’s not widely shared either. And the comments are always colorful. In fact, I think it might make people uncomfortable. But nevertheless, I see it every few months or so. It reads: ACCEPTANCE IN RESTROOMS Older children and adults on the spectrum may not be able to go to the restroom alone. If you see someone of the opposite gender with an accompanying adult, assume there is a good reason and don’t judge or comment. If you…
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Today was one of the rare occasions that I got to bring my grandson Noah to therapy. Sara is always the one to do it. I usually stay at home with him unless we go to the grocery store or run some other little errand. He will sit in a basket and look at all the lights and colors just like all little kids his age. He loves the grocery store and Lowes. He really likes Lowes. I don’t know why that’s his favorite but he loves it. Maybe it’s…
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What does success look like in our world? Success that would have NEVER happened six months ago…we would have had to get a babysitter for Cooper, split up, or skipped it. Success is attending an outdoor Easter Egg hunt at our church as a family. And of course wearing a swimsuit because mom mentioned the word ‘waterpark’ this morning. Being near a road and not running into it. Waving at people. Smiling. Talking to people. Sitting for a few minutes inside the church. Safely wandering. Going on the risers and…
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It’s been so long since I have expressed my deepest feelings on paper. Maybe it is the hectic environment in which I live, maybe it’s the denial that splashes my mind every morning, or the guilt that is seeded deep within me. Uncertainty is my demon that gnaws away at my confidence to parent the way I need to. It is difficult to grasp the concept of my everyday jealousy of ‘normal parents with normal children.’ Our life is anything but. Some days my life consists of washing smeared feces…
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I get asked ALL the time about Cooper’s medical alert seatbelt cover. We love it so much and I won’t travel without it. In an emergency situation, these shoulder belt covers quickly convey crucial information that a child or adult may not be able to express by themselves. As many of you know, having a nonverbal child comes with unique challenges. Cooper can’t communicate verbally. He doesn’t always respond to his name or acknowledge questions. He has slow processing times. And even if he is able to respond, he doesn’t…
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At the end of the day I have nothing left to give. You could say it’s because I have three kids. Three boys actually. 8, 6 and 6 months. One husband. Two dogs. A house. A job. A website. Friends, family and obligations. You could say it’s the time of my life. 35 years old is the busy time. My life is full. Full of laughter, love, chaos, dirty laundry, trains and hockey. And I love every minute of it. You could also say it’s because I am up before…
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For me, my darkest secret is that I feel, and sometimes it feels like I know, that I caused my son’s autism. And his struggles. It breaks my heart. And the guilt chases me day and night. It all started when I read an article about how trauma as a child could cause autism. The mothers were described as ‘refrigerator mums’ and if I’m honest that was me. My eldest two children were, and are neurotypical, thriving, chatty, oh, so chatty girls. My son is nonverbal, epileptic, low functioning autistic…
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