You can feel sad about your child’s diagnosis and still love them with every fiber of your being. If you do, I want you to know that you’re not alone in your feelings. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. You may feel powerless, frustrated, and depressed. I know I’ve felt all this and more. I’d kept these feelings to myself for a while because I was ashamed. I was afraid to admit them. I love my son Charlie, so the sadness that engulfed me was confusing. For a long…
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In church we sing, Let the King of my heart Be the wind inside my sailsThe anchor in my waves…‘Cause You are good You are good, oh oh Oh, He is my song…You’re never gonna letYou’re never gonna let me down – Bethel Music My son, tonight I held you as you stood on a chair in our church. I sang this song to you and you smiled at me. I wondered if you understood that I was worshiping and thanking God for trusting me to be your mom. This song resonates with me…
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I don’t know about you, but I’m so tired of apologizing… I’m tired of apologizing for things I cannot control. I’m tired of apologizing to people who don’t deserve it. However, I’m most tired of apologizing for my autistic daughter. Today, while checking out in the book store, Harper ran away to go to the children’s section (without looking back or slowing down ) so she could press the heart of Elmo to make him dance just one more time. As the cashier awkwardly smiled at me, I apologized to…
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Long before I became a mother I attended a lunch-and-learn about adoption. At the time I worked for an amazing social services organization as a Project Manager. They also offered adoption services. I loved kids. I wanted to learn more. I also wanted lunch. As I sat there I learned about the insane costs and time that goes into adopting a child. Story after story of parents fighting for babies. The exhausting and emotional process was laid out for us. I learned that everyone wanted a baby. I learned that…
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Last night our family said goodbye to our chocolate lab, Bauer. It was sudden. It was unexpected. And it was traumatic. He woke up fine. Around mid-day he started having trouble walking. By 4 we were at the vet. At 4:30 the vet told me that he had a splenic rupture caused by a tumor and his tummy was filling with fluid. She told us our options. And then we asked her what she would do if it was her dog. By 6 he was gone. He died in my…
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We headed over to the ribbon cutting. Less than a mile away. Through the neighborhood and onto the new road. You could see the firetruck waiting to spray the kids from our house. Teenagers in band uniforms, unloading their instruments, waiting to play some upbeat song. I was on my bike, surrounded by a dozen kids. Almost all boys. Sawyer and his friends. Ages ranging from 5 to 13. They were talking about the free ice cream. Apparently that is the draw to get people to come out on a…
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I walked into the playroom and realized James found the ONE marker that wasn’t tucked away in the closet with the other messy villains like glitter and Play-Doh that are only allowed supervised play dates. He had written his name in large purple letters underneath his big sister’s artwork. When he realized I was standing there, he proudly announced, “Tahdah!” with his charming little smile. While my initial reaction was frustration and to grab my magic eraser, it was quickly replaced with the reminder that not very long ago I…
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Trevor Hibbert, a California father says he is planning legal action after his severely autistic son was found and handcuffed by police almost a mile away from his middle school. These stories are in the news almost daily now. I’m not sure if that has to do with the rise of social media, news outlets looking for a good story, or if this sort of thing is new. But I can tell you as a mom, they terrify me. And I can tell you as a blogger who shares these…
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You were sitting on the living room floor trying to build a tower with your Legos. At six years old you looked like a teenager sitting there. Your baby face is completely gone. Your legs are getting long. Your hair so blonde and eyes so brown. The baby was all over you. On your legs. In your lap. Pulling at your toys. You kept rotating away from him. But he was onto you. You moved. He moved. I hear you yell, ‘Harbor! You wild baby!’ I looked up and you…
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I overheard two expectant mamas talking in a Chick-fil-A play area. They sat together on one bench, while their 3-4 year old boys played together, and they each were expecting a boy. I watched my own two boys play with these soon to be big brothers. These mamas chatted about pregnancy woes and pediatricians. And then the conversation took an unexpected turn. One of the mamas confessed that she’s constantly having fears that something will go wrong with the baby. It even keeps her up at night. What if her…
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