Here in New Hampshire, we are on day 6,382,091 of quarantine. Okay, okay. I’m exaggerating. Its only day 5,847,235 of quarantine. Either way, it’s been a long time. Hi. My name is Carrie. I have five kids. I live in New Hampshire. Our state has been under a shelter-in-place since March 13th. We are tired of it. We are tired of ourselves, and our house, and our yard. We are tired of walking around the neighborhood. Our dog, Wolfie, is especially tired of walking around the neighborhood. He runs to…
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You’ve been walking quite a bit these days. You like walking; it calms you. You like to look at the birds, the sky. You open your mouth to take in the wind. Puddles are too good to pass by without engagement. You usually hold my hand. We talk about what we see. You repeat. You look, you smile, you laugh. Sometimes you point. But this day you let go of my hand. Unafraid and free. You needed to move at your pace, faster than me. You needed to feel the…
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“I like good strong words that mean something…” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women The quote above is from one of my favorite stories as a child. Little Women reminded me of my youth. I loved the story, and I still do. I think what I liked most about it was the way the story was told. The beautiful words and details that Louisa May Alcott chose to tell her story. I am infatuated with words. I love to write them and hear the intoxicating way they coalesce to form…
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I wasn’t one of those mothers who saw it coming. I was blindsided when I heard the word autism. It hit my like a freight train and shattered my soul into a billion pieces instantly. That horrible feeling of not being able to breath, unwavering fear, fear of the unknowing, and worst of all, hopelessness, took over every inch of me. I thought at that moment I would never feel as horrible as I did then. As many of you know that would not be the case. That feeling would…
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I’ve had a couple of moms ask me lately if I consider how my son Jackson might feel about me speaking publicly about his struggles. And they’ve asked if I’m considering his feelings and if it might hurt him if he reads these words one day. I thought about their question long and hard before I started journaling about him privately for myself. And I thought about it even harder before I put my words out there for others to hear. I felt slightly attacked and caught off guard and…
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Preschool graduation…onto Kindergarten. Probably doesn’t sound like a big deal to most, but let me tell you about our Jack. From the very beginning of his diagnosis, I have felt compelled to be a voice, an advocate for not only him, but all diagnosed with ASD. To share stories of our experiences, of our life, in hopes to raise awareness and acceptance of autism. Almost 2 years ago now, Jack was accepted into an amazing special needs program, that also runs in the summers as well – so year round…
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1. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t that you were too busy as a mom now trying to juggle two kids instead of one and you just didn’t give your second child the same amount of attention as your first. It wasn’t because of that one time that he hit his head. It wasn’t any decision you made or didn’t make for him. You were just being a mom the best way you knew how. This wasn’t about you. This was just going to be. Let go of the why. 2.…
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Tonight you needed me. That sounds so crazy to say. You’re three, of course you need me. But, let’s be honest. Not really. Not like your sister needs me. She needs me to ‘looooooook’ a lot. Look at a crumb she swears is a bug. Look out the window to see if the neighbor’s dogs are out running around. Look in the pantry to get another snack. Look in the basket of books to find the right one. She seeks out my smiles and giggles. She gets louder and more…
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For as long as I can remember, I wished I had a crystal so I could see into the future with my son Jack and his autism. I hated when people said time would tell. Or to relax, it would all work out for the best. I wanted to know it for myself. Since the day Jack was diagnosed, I was always racing against the clock. I wanted to know when he would speak to me in full sentences, and if he would learn to potty train, and the night…
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Mother’s Day for a special needs mom does not look like everyone else’s day… I spent my Mother’s Day redirecting behaviors that were furiously present this week. I’m not saying this as negative, I’m saying it because it’s true, and I’m recognizing the hard. I try to share the good more than the bad, but sometimes the hard is an important part of our story too. It isn’t always positive new skills, or new words, or meds that work for a day or two. There was no sleeping in or…
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