Posts by Kate Swenson

I often say having a son with nonverbal autism has given me the gift of sight. Before him I didn’t truly see people or the world. Now I do. I see the good and the kindness. He’s also taught me that there is more than one way to live. To enjoy. To experience. To be joyful. Cooper has been asking us, nonverbally of course, for weeks, maybe even months, to sleep in his grandparent’s camper. He showed me videos on YouTube of camping. He used his speech device to present…

Today, after nearly ten years of sharing about autism, hoping to shatter stigmas and lessen fears around those who are different, it finally happened. I lost faith in the internet. And let me tell you, prior to today, I’ve seen some stuff. Stuff you probably wouldn’t believe. Awful, demoralizing stuff. But today, I saw the worst. And as a disclaimer, please know this is not a political post. Anyone who knows me knows I’d rather start my eyelashes on fire than post about politics. This is a post about humanity.…

Sometimes, parenting kids in all of their typicalness confuses me. The curiosity. The independence. The ease. My first baby made me a mama 13 years ago. Then, together, we crashed into what I call the secret world of autism. I’ve never known a second of parenting without factoring in disability. The hyper vigilance. The worry. The fear. The hope. It’s just different. It’s climbing play structures and always getting into the pool and holding hands and heads during a meltdown in a busy street. It’s explaining and asking for accommodations…

My son, I had plans for us kid. Big plans. Plans that I can admit didn’t include autism. Even today, after 13 years, sometimes I still find myself wondering how my plans got so derailed. I’ll be giving you a shower, bending down and washing your feet, and I’ll look at you, eyes squeezed shut, eating bubbles, throwing your head back, smiling, squealing, and I’ll wonder how this happened. How we got here. Right here. Thirteen years in. Or, I’ll be helping you with your shoes and you’ll grab my…

When you have a child diagnosed with autism, it’s not about you as the parent. At least that’s what we are told. Your sole focus becomes helping your child. Getting them the help they need. Services. Supports. Therapies. Education. And so on. That’s the role of a parent. And that’s how it should be. But one part that is overlooked, I think, is the evolution of the parent. Their journey. And the patience that should be given to them when everything changes suddenly. It’s not easy ya know. Stepping off…

When my son was 7 and 8 and the reality of nonspeaking forever was sinking in, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about his future. What would it be like? A teenager and then a man who couldn’t speak. Would I ever know his favorite color? Or why he loved trains so much? Would I ever hear I Love You? Would people be kind to him? Would they be patient with him and treat him with the respect that he deserved? Would they know how cool he…

I come across pictures all the time. Old ones. Taken back before life got really interesting with four kids. I usually find them all crumpled up under a couch or stashed in between the pages of an old book. Sometimes a corner is ripped off. A sign that my oldest, who is autistic and adores photos of his family, has treasured it and hidden it away for another day. When I found this one I stopped picking up legos and beyblades and internally cursing my kids for being so dang…

It’s been a long day. A tiresome one. But a good one. I found myself with a rare moment of quiet, two of my children at the counter, the other two playing outside. My oldest and my youngest. Cooper and Wynnie. My bookends. I found myself staring at them for a second, wondering what the future holds. The wildcard being autism. Always, autism. When Wynnie was seven days old, Cooper held her for the first time, reassuring me that this would all be okay. As he cradled her, he counted…

I had all four kids alone, from toddler to tween to an emotional 13 year with autism and it was a lot to handle. There was a lot of screaming. There was water play when there wasn’t supposed to be water play. And then wet clothes on the floor. And sand. I yelled. I don’t usually yell. But I did. There was talking back. And throwing. So much throwing. There was ‘mommy will you play with me.’ And a lot of screen time. At one point I looked around at…

I found myself out today in the community with my two of my four children. We were in a group of people. We were quietly sitting. And by quietly, I mean my 5-year-old son was bouncing off the walls and my toddler was chatting up a storm. Just as kids should be. Busy and happy. It was lovely. The three of us out together. I’m stretched a little thin these days so it’s nice to get time with my kids. I found myself looking around. I found myself missing my…