Inside My Nonspeaking Son’s World: Dreams, Plans, and Hope

I used to pray for a glimpse inside my nonspeaking son’s world. Simple things… Why does he love trains so much? What’s his favorite color? Why will he eat apple sauce out of a cup but not a pouch? But big things too… Is he happy? What does he want to be when he grows up? What is he afraid of? Does he know how loved he is? For years, I had no idea. I was walking blind as a mother. Today, my sweet boy is 12 years old. He’s…

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Brotherly Love: Navigating Autism and Anxiety Together

I heard his little voice before I saw him. ‘Cooper. Cooper. We don’t hurt our body. We love it.’ I peeked around the corner. What I saw made me gasp. The four year old who wants to be 10 like his next older brother. Blonde hair. Bare feet. Scabbed over knees from a crash on his bike. A Paw Patrol costume half on. He was holding a Ninja Turtle in one hand. The other hand was stretched out. Holding his older brother’s hand. Cooper. He is 12 years old. And…

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Celebrating Easter With My Yellow Haired Boy

I never thought I would have four kids. I’m not sure if I’ve ever shared that before. I thought two, maybe three. But four? It still surprises me sometimes. Four is loud. Four is chaotic. Four is wonderful. Four is fulfilling. Today I woke up first. Which most definitely surprised me because as my two middles went to sleep last night I heard them plotting to wake up early to catch the Easter bunny. As I got the coffee going my third son came downstairs. Together we woke up Sawyer…

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Grandma’s Return After Months Apart

‘He had a snack and went right in and pulled the covers down for a nap. He must have been up early this morning. He is one happy child.’ That’s the text I got this morning from my mom. Cooper’s grandma. If you follow our story you know that Cooper has been waiting for his grandma to come home from Texas for nearly four months. It’s been very hard for him. He loves her so much. And he doesn’t quite understand all the ins and outs of wintering somewhere warm.…

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Navigating Autism and Finding Happiness

When you have a child diagnosed with autism, it’s not about you as the parent. At least that’s what we are told. Your sole focus becomes helping your child. Getting them the help they need. Services. Supports. Therapies. Education. And so on. That’s the role of a parent. And that’s how it should be. But one part that is overlooked, I think, is the evolution of the parent. Their journey. And the patience that should be given to them when everything changes suddenly. It’s not easy ya know. Stepping off…

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World Autism Day

Today is World Autism Day. This is our 12th one. As my son has gotten older, the meaning of the day has morphed for me. It used to be about education. Today, it’s about celebrating. Celebrating differences, celebrating progress, and celebrating a boy who has climbed far more mountains than I have. And ice cream and dancing. I have three boys and a girl. Four crazy, wild, busy, smart kids. Each of them is exactly who they are supposed to be. My oldest is autistic. There are a lot more…

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Dear NextDoor User

Dear NextDoor User, I read your post this morning. I can tell you there was some perfect timing to it. See, I had just put my autistic son on his special education transportation to school. A service that I thank my lucky stars for every single day. I was taking a moment before my other three kids got up to drink some coffee and mindlessly scroll on my phone. That’s when I saw your post. And I can tell you, I had to read it a few times through. Can…

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Be Kind

Be kind. It’s just a statement. Really quite simple when you think about it. Two words. A direction. A request. A plea. A wish. You can find it anywhere these days. On t-shirts. Hats. Bumper stickers. Tote bags. I was just sitting here thinking about kindness. See, I am a mom of four kids, one with a disability. He is 12 years old now. We are long past the wonder of the diagnosis. Past the in-between space of is he or isn’t he. Past the sting of forever. We have…

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My Plea, Just See Him

The thing with growing tiny humans is they are always changing. Learning. Absorbing. Getting bigger. My son Cooper is 12 years old. He wants to ride an Amtrak train more than anything. He has a countdown to see his Grandma. He loves going to school. He also is autistic and technically non speaking on paper. But if you know him you know he has loads of words and sounds and signs and he can spell and read and even use movie scenes to tell us things. It’s unbelievable really. They…

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Celebrating the ‘Late’ Successes

A few days ago, someone said to a friend of mine, who has an autistic son so similar to Cooper that you’d think they were brothers, that her posts about her son were negative. She was upset of course. She didn’t feel like she was being negative. She thought she was just sharing their life. And him. And in fact, she celebrates her son much like I do Coops. I told her my hunch. That people looking in ‘think’ we are being negative when we share because our kids do…

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