October 8, 2024
Learning to Bend, Not Break: Creating a Flexible Life for Your Family
It may not get easier, and some things may not get better, but you have the power to create a world that works for your family.
I wish someone would have told me that when my son was first diagnosed with autism. Because, initially, and in the challenging years that followed, I will admit that we felt stuck in a lot of ways.
We couldn’t do this or that. Like go to restaurants or church or fly on an airplane, go for walks, visit the mall. We said no to most invites and eventually split our family down the middle, one of us going and one of us staying home.
And we spent a lot of time trying to help our son to be able to all the things in the world that we wanted him to be able to do.
But I wish, I really wish, someone would have told me to learn to bend and not break. Meaning, find ways to make things work. Vacation locally. Go to delis instead of sit down restaurants. Visit parks on rainy days. Find a church that understands your family. And so on.
I’ll share the story of our daughter’s baptism. We knew that our son couldn’t successfully do church. Not yet. He struggles to sit and listen and often turns into a runner and brings out silly loud laughter in quiet situations. He won’t wear headphones and being still is hard for him.
We know that. That’s who he was then and still today. Is it forever? I don’t know and you can bet we are going to continue to work on it. But it might not change.
So now we focus our energy on doing what works for our family so we can be together. We aren’t stuck. We just have to modify.
We had Wynnie’s baptism immediately after church. Cooper came with his dad once the commotion had passed.
He sat in almost every row of the church. He watched his iPad. He danced. And gasped.
He joined us when he was ready. He observed. And giggled when the holy water touched his sister’s forehead.
He sat when he was tired. And gently touched the drums in the musician’s corner while playing a Little Einstein video on his iPad.
He pointed to the baptismal candle and said HHHH to tell me it was hot.
And it was perfect. Because we were all together.
Pour your energy moms and dads into building a life for your family that works.
It may not be picture perfect by anyone’s standards. But you will look at it one day and smile with admiration. Because you know how hard you all worked to get there.
We are not stuck. We just have to be flexible. And that takes time to accept.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
