How to Deal with a Difficult Diagnosis
How to Deal with a Difficult Diagnosis
When others hear we have a special needs son and a daughter with dyslexia we often get asked, “How to deal with a difficult diagnosis? How did we deal with it with it being our children?”
How to Deal with a Difficult Diagnosis for my Child
The day of a diagnosis is one of those events in your life that you remember every detail of. There was shock, fear, feeling scared, and so much more; all the feelings. There was a point where we just sat in the hospital room at Children’s Hospital in Omaha and looked at each other.
We had been looking at so many websites. As the Doctor left he room he said “Whatever you do, don’t google Tuberous Sclerosis.” So you know exactly what we did. Bob was able to process it faster because he had a deeper medical level of research and understanding of it. It took me a little bit longer.
We may not have been at the same place at the same time, because processing a diagnosis can be challenging. We found that we weren’t always on the same page and maybe not the same chapter, but we were at least in the same book….moving forward with grace and understanding was the best and all we could do. To understand we were in different places and had to give each other grace. We each needed our own time and space to work through all the thoughts and emotions.
In all honesty, we all have thoughts of what you think life for you and your family will look like, but you really don’t know what it will end up being. For us we didn’t ever foresee our kids being diagnosed; one with dyslexia and one with tuberous sclerosis and epilepsy at six months old and autism at 5. We had all these expectations that were created and that all went away when we got that diagnosis.
How to Deal with a Difficult Situation
How to Handle a Bad Diagnosis
Whether you are in a difficult situation, whether that is receiving a diagnosis or something else that hit your family hard try to not fight the process. Maybe let your partner take the lead if this is in their area of strength on a project and try to do it their way. Take the judgment away from it. Our judgment comes from expectations, and when expectations aren’t met, there can be conflict.
For us when we received our son’s diagnosis we had to take a step back. Access all of our thoughts. Try to stay out of fight or flight. Then move forward. As we stepped back in this time, I started to see things as clearly. Out of that was born the mindset of “Redifining Normal”. We could live in bitterness and sadness, feeling sorry for ourselves or step into the unknown and redefine our family, our partnership, and what ‘Normal’ is. Instead of trying to force your point, then step back. Then we can start to think a little differently, and then we tend to come together and can see each other points.
How to Deal with Difficulties
This comes with a lot of other difficulties. Many ask “How to deal with difficulties?” For starters remember sometimes you are not in control and you might to let go of some of the worries. That is a lot easier said than done.
How to Cope with Medical Diagnosis
You cope with a medical diagnosis on a moment-by-moment basis. You are giving each other grace, suspending judgments, and letting go of the expectations of what you thought “should be happening” or “would happen”.
As we sat in the hospital room on the day of our son’s diagnosis, we came to the realization that our life was not going to be what we thought it was. We had a decision to make. We can lay down and stay down, or we can get up and get him all the help he needs to redefine normal and life a great life still. That is when redefining normal started. But then comes in processing all of this. My husband and I process things very differently. We want the same outcome, but how we individually process our thoughts are so different. We try not to judge or condemn each other for how we process things or go through the process. When we do lose it, then we come back and mend it and repair it, because we both wanted to redefine our normal and do what was best for us and our family!
Surrounding yourself with people going through the same journey can truly help you a lot as well!
Wendy
