December 14, 2023
You Are Stronger Than You Think
I don’t know how you do it…
Last night I shared a video on Instagram of my autistic son ripping paper and books. It’s a new behavior. It’s really loud. And messy.
I shared it for a glimpse into the beauty and reality of our world.
I could tell you why he does it. He wants to have all the pieces of the magazines and books in his hands. He’s a sensory seeker.
He likes to see and touch. To spread the pages out. To line them up. It makes sense to him. It makes him happy.
And as long as he’s not destroying anything of value, well, it’s ok to me. Except, I am no saint.
Paper ripping is messy. And loud. And did I mention messy. It makes me go a bit batty. If I try to stop it I’m met with very loud, intense resistance. That’s my life right now. Paper ripping. Sigh.
The comments were all supportive. And loving. Because I have the best followers. ‘I don’t know how you do it. I could never do it.’
People outside of my world say that because they can’t imagine nonstop paper ripping, or a child who doesn’t speak, or who self injures, or whatever.
I get it. Because I wouldn’t either. If I didn’t live it I would assume I couldn’t do it either.
The other day I found myself at a Children’s Hospital. As I walked the halls I peeked into rooms. Decorated walls. Flowers. Even Christmas lights.
Moms. Dads. Siblings. All gathered around beds. Laughter. Tears.
Mere babies hooked up to machines. Little bald heads with scarves wrapped around them. The cancer unit.
And I thought to myself, I could never do this. I could never.
But that’s not true. Because I would. And so would you. As a parent, a spouse, an adult child, we would do anything and everything to help our loved ones.
I know a woman whose husband has Alzheimer’s in his 60’s. He’s forgotten his children’s names. He runs out of the house at any chance and puts things in the toilet. I can’t imagine. Suddenly caring for a spouse like that. I tell myself I couldn’t do it. I’m not strong enough.
But that’s not true. Because I would. And so would you.
I know parents who have had to make the agonizing decision to place children in residential care. Or admit them to save them. They’ve had to leave them somewhere and drive away. I can’t imagine. I say I’d never do that. I could never. But the truth is…I would do what is best for my child. Because I love him.
I have friends who have lost babies and buried their children. Some suddenly. Some after many years of battling. I could never do that. I’m not strong enough. I could never go on living like these moms and dads. How do they do it? How do they find the strength? I could never.
But you would. And I would too.
Here is what I want you to know.
Whatever is thrown your way…
You could. You can. And you will.
You are stronger than you think. You are braver too. Just know that you can. And will. If the time comes, you can do it. I promise.
And just maybe, you’ll find yourself face-to-face with a crying mom on an elevator at a children’s hospital and you’ll look at your own life, a child hoarding pieces of paper, and think, this is not so bad. My problems are nothing.
And you’ll thank God that you have this child to love and treasure.
You can do this. Whatever it is. Never forget that.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
