December 6, 2023
My Nonverbal Teen’s Birthday Tale
Nonverbal communication is a pretty amazing thing really.
My son Cooper, the one in the middle, he communicates mostly with sounds: Think grunts and squeals and gasps.
He points a lot. And brings things to us and brings us to things.
He places his hands on ours and guides them in certain ways.
He touches our lips and uses his hands to turn our faces to see things.
He uses his iPad to show us pictures or videos of things he wants to tell us about.
He does some typing. But only words that are important to him. Like train and Barney and Hobart and Cosmo, an old train documentary.
He has some words. Those came at age 9. He has 20 or so he uses consistently. You might not understand him, but me, I know every word because we spent hours, days, weeks, months and years practicing. I’ve used my own hands to guide his mouth. I’ve placed his fingers to my own lips to feel the vibration of my sounds.
Every sound is a gift. Because I saw the mountains he had to climb to get them.
Tomorrow is his birthday. The baby who turned my whole world upside down and inside out, and made me the person and mom I was supposed to be, will be thirteen years old.
A teenager.
Thirteen years old and nonspeaking. When he was little, my heart would not and could not believe that could be possible.
By 13 he would be talking. That’s what I told myself.
Well, here we are. Less than 24 hours.
He’s been preparing for his birthday for well over a month.
He’s been shopping on Amazon and filling it with one book, a train guide. Hundreds of copies. That’s nonverbal communication.
He’s been watching an episode of Elmo where Dorothy the fish has a birthday. And baby Elmo turns one. Oh and we can’t forget Daniel Tigers birthday party episode.
He’s been studying the calendar closely. He loves the sloppily drawn birthday cake drawn on December 6.
And this morning, I rolled over in bed, fully expecting to see my husband, but instead with my one open eye I saw Cooper.
And without saying a word he smiled, gasped loudly, and held up one finger.
I smiled back.
‘Yes buddy, your birthday is in one day.’
He’s managed to tell me without words that he wants a chocolate birthday cake. He wants a Dora theme. He wants presents, decorations, balloons and more presents.
I am asked daily if I wish my son talked. I won’t lie. I would love words. I will never stop wanting them.
But, how lucky am I, to have this little boy, who can communicate perfectly in so many wonderful ways.
He is such a joy this one.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
