A True Fighter: A Caregivers Need for Self-Care

Self-Care

You’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of it lately. It is important for everyone to do this, not to mention necessary. This is especially true for those of us who are caregivers. Many caregivers are what we call forever parents. This means that we have a child that requires constant care and assistance.

I will also be the first to tell you that I have not been very good about this myself.

For starters, I was a single mom for many years. I went to school full-time and worked full-time. I did this for two years with the help of my family’s support. It sure wasn’t easy, but with hard work and determination, I was able to make it work. I even received my Medical Assisting Degree, despite the fact that I had a professor tell me that I was just not cut out for the job.

Yes, that really happened.

Fast forward to today. I have been a parent of a severely autistic and limited verbal child for over eleven years now. These eleven years have had all the highs and lows that you can imagine. We have had the best of times and the worst of times. We have had nights where we barely held on by a thread, sitting at a door for hours on end to keep him from running around the house and waking up my daughters and younger son.

On the contrary, we have also had the biggest highs. We have had laughs that have left us in stitches, and witnessed the most beautiful occasions that have literally changed our entire world. I have been terrified to the point that I receive EMDR and counseling. On the same token, we have had the opportunity to meet the best people ever who have now become lifelong friends. We bear scars from bites and scratches. On the other hand, laugh lines etch our faces.

It’s not all bad, but it’s not all good either. It certainly isn’t what I would call a happy medium either. Oftentimes, if things are calm, we harbor that anxiety of the what-ifs. We are constantly in fight or flight mode that consumes us. We have to make a constant effort to pack up those fears as best as we can, and file them away, and at the same time, be cognizant and alert to the what-ifs and plan accordingly.

Sound exhausting?

You have no idea!

Back to self-care, living on this constant roller-coaster can have an effect on your mental health. In addition to this roller coaster that we ride, we also have the regular needs and events of a family. It can also be draining, and yet again the rewards that we reap far outweigh the challenges that we face. So, with that being said, I saw the doctor today.

It was a required annual visit. In all reality, the only time that I have been to the doctor as of late is when I have had an illness or procedure. When I got to the doctor, I fully was expecting to just be in and out with a simple approval that everything was good.

That is, until I sat down in the chair.

The medical assistant took my blood pressure. It was elevated. So much for my blood pressure medicine, I thought as I chuckled. Then, I started to put two and two together. My anxiety lately has been at a high. Maybe the two were related, and I have also experienced being light-headed. After my doctor entered the room, I explained that I indeed was more anxious than usual.

Then I got to talking.

Just like when I talk to my counselor, when I say everything out loud, it IS a lot. Just in the past two years alone, in addition to the life of a forever parent, a couple of years ago, I lost my very first granddaughter. Then, a few months ago, my daughter developed a serious illness during pregnancy and had to have an emergency c-section. My grandson also had to be in the NICU.

I looked at my doctor and laughed. Yes, I agreed that it was just life.

She was actually trained by my aunt and recommended by her, so she knows our family history. “You know, I can’t say this about very many people at all, but it sure does seem like your family has had a red target on your backs. Also, your daughter… I can say this about even fewer people. She is a very strong woman. A true fighter.”

She couldn’t be more correct on either statement. We really have had so many traumas in a relatively short time period. No parent should ever have to say goodbye to their child forever.

I left the doctor after having a flu shot, a blood draw, a new medication, trigger point injections, and a higher dosage of a current medication. Most importantly, I left with a newfound realization that on my hardest days when I am struggling, I have to remember this.

Self-care is vital, and I am a fighter.

You are too!