September 18, 2023
Dads Don’t Get Enough Credit
I often say that dads don’t get enough credit, especially in the special needs parenting world.
My husband and I have four kids. 12, 10, 4, and 2. We are busy. That’s actually a wild understatement.
We live in chaos. Sometimes we thrive. Sometimes we survive.
We have schools and sports and horseback riding and miracle league and swimming and birthday parties. It never ends.
It feels like a 5 person job most of the time.
This past weekend I spent two glorious nights at a camp in the woods of Wisconsin with a hundred other moms. All who have a child with a disability. Moms like me.
It’s my event. And the truth is I tried to not go. I was overwhelmed. I wanted to stay home. It was just too much.
And through it all my husband encouraged me. He even stayed up printing and stapling agendas.
We don’t have one of those perfect marriages that you see on social media. In fact it’s really hard a lot of the time.
We struggle with kindness. And grace. And being each other’s best friend. And figuring out who we are.
But he’s good. Not perfect. But really good.
When I opened up my oldest son’s lunchbox this morning I saw this handwritten note.
And I’ll tell you I gasped. And paused. And felt tears spring to my eyes.
See my husband is a doer. He checks boxes. He gets stuff done.
I am the love. The support. Hugs and kisses and high fives.
I put a note in my autistic son’s lunchbox every day. I do it because my mom did that for me.
I do it because he is unable to say ‘I love you’ verbally when I tell him every day. I say it because school terrifies me for him.
I do it because I want him to know that he is loved.
I don’t know if he reads them. Or if he understands. Or if his para reads it to him. I truly don’t know.
Or if someday 20 years from now he will be able to communicate to me that they mattered. Probably not. But I have hope.
My husband wrote Cooper a note. He put it in his lunchbox.
It’s so unlike him. It made me pause.
And I remembered how good he is.
Thank you to the dads.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
