July 14, 2023
A Special Bond: Navigating Friendship and Autism with His Cousin
I don’t know if my son has anyone who considers him their friend, besides his cousin.
If you ask Jesse who his best friend is, he says, “Lukas.”
It’s not always mutual though. Although, it used to be.
My son is autistic and eight years old. He is 18 months older than his cousin.
When he was a toddler, he used to adore his little baby cousin, Lukas.
They grew up together as toddlers and littles, wrestling and laughing. And Lukas looked up to J as his big cousin. He admired him and did what he did.
They share a bond that will last forever, but as they grow I’m witnessing a shift.
My son is a grade behind others his age, so he and Lukas are in the same year and were in the same class last year.
Sweet Lukas would sit with Jesse at lunch and include him in play whenever Jesse would participate.
Throughout the year, I could see their relationship change. My wonderful nephew started noticing the differences. He began asking questions.
More and more we talk about autism.
Lukas knows Jesse so well, but he never realized the differences until he saw their peers changing while Jesse seemed to stay the same.
I’ve watched Lukas develop friendships at school grow. That transition from considering everyone a friend, to forming friend groups, and having best friends.
Jesse doesn’t understand friendship in the traditional sense. He doesn’t know how to friend, yet.
He wants friends. He considers other kids his friends, but he doesn’t realize that it takes more than just words. It requires interaction and communication.
I have witnessed Lukas evolve from being just a little cousin to taking care of Jesse. He looks out for Jesse, reminding him where to go and what to do.
They laugh together and interact in their own unique way. They are still little boys who sometimes get mad at each other.
They play video games together, and when Jesse loses his temper and struggles with sharing, you’ll hear Lukas say, “Oh, Jess,” while shaking his head.
It’s not always easy for Lukas.
I fear one day being Jesse’s friend and cousin will be a burden for him.
But at the end of the day, as we walk into a parking lot, with one of my hands full and the other holding my daughter’s. Lukas runs to catch up with his cousin and make sure he holds his hand, ensuring his safety.
No one asked or told him to do it. He just does it because he loves his Jess.
Written by Jaime of Jaime Ramos Writes
