July 13, 2023
Autism, Aggression, and the Power of Remembrance
Every night I lay with my son until he falls asleep.
I’ve done this since he was a baby.
I sneak out of his room and reset our home for the next morning.
Tonight while we were laying down he said to me.
“You cried in the month of June, on a Thursday, you ran away to the sun room, and I came to tell you sorry.”
I said “why did I cry buddy?”
He turned his head to face away from me on his pillow and replied “because I bumped you side to side.”
He remembered.
Down to that day, he remembered our last big aggressive episode of which I crumbled to the floor and sobbed.
My heart broke.
He remembers.
Has he been replaying this in his head over and over like I have been?
He acknowledged it. He knew he said he was sorry. His tone was remorseful.
Autism and aggression are such a tricky subject to try to untangle.
In the moment he can’t help himself, after he’s remorseful, and now we are adding in reflection and retrospect weeks later.
Sadness.
The one emotion we have always struggled to help him understand…….
I think it’s happening right before my eyes.
The two sides of the coin…. My heart breaks because he remembers, but I’m so thankful he acknowledged the memory showing remorse.
Tough stuff friends, navigating this isn’t in the parenting books that’s for sure.
Written by Amanda Deluca of Jackson’s Journey, Jackson’s Voice
