July 10, 2023
Unveiling the Silent Fears: Sending My Nonspeaking Child to School
I don’t think we talk about our fears enough. I know when I do, as a mom to a nonspeaking boy, my fears are often brushed aside. Or downplayed. And I think it’s because fear makes people uncomfortable. Or they want to fix it. But there isn’t always a solution.
Acknowledging our fears forces us to go to that uncomfortable space. But the older I get, I am learning to lean in. And share.
So here goes…
This morning my 12-year-old nonspeaking boy with a big diagnosis got on a van and went to school.
And as his mom, I get so scared sending him anywhere alone. But I have to trust. I have to trust in good and kind and grace.
I have to trust that people will know the yellow haired boys name is Cooper because he won’t be able to say it under pressure.
I have to trust that they will ask him if he wants a drink of water because he won’t think to ask.
I have to trust that they will wipe his mouth after he eats and adjust his waistband after he goes to the bathroom.
I have to trust that they will listen. And lead him when he needs to go somewhere. And hug him when he’s overwhelmed. And sit on the floor with him if he’s scared.
I have to trust that they see him and believe in him.
I have to trust because he can’t tell them if he’s hurt or if someone is mean to him.
I have to trust because today was his first day of summer school. He knew the bus was coming at 8:37 am. He was on the front steps by 8:20 am just to be safe.
He dressed himself, brushed his own teeth, and even helped me pack his bag. Then he waited. Excitedly.
We tried new shoes but that was just too much for such a big day.
He’s also excited that it’s going to rain today. He loves rain. He wants to go to an aquarium and see a whale and fly on an airplane. And he has a brand-new puppy. Swimming is his favorite thing to do.
He loves paper. It’s a huge motivator for him. Brown paper is his favorite. And Christmas. He wants to have a Christmas party in July so badly. With presents, decorations, cookies, lights, Santa, and a tree.
He cannot put his straw into his Capri Sun Pouch. Please help him. Please offer him water too. And if he gets scared ask him about fire trucks. Or Dora the Explorer. She is his friend.
He would tell us all this stuff if he could. Like I used to do when I would write a paragraph about my summer. But he can’t. So I will. I will tell you. And I will trust that you will listen to me.
Please listen.
Listen to his sounds and his signs and his hands. If he likes you he will hug you. And tease you. But you have to give him time. Please give him time. Time to be himself.
Today I will trust once again. I will trust strangers with my most precious gift. I will hold my breath and pray the phone doesn’t ring. And I will say to the world that raising a perfectly imperfect boy in a world that doesn’t understand him terrifies me. I am scared every second that he is away from me.
But him, he’s so excited.
Oh, and the I Love Toy Trains Store in Indiana! Ask him about the trip he wants to take with mom. Not Dad. (Which makes us all laugh because we know Dad is a tougher sell on gift shops than mom.) That’s on his bucket list right now.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
