July 5, 2023
Bound by Love: Navigating Motherhood with My Colorful Boy
From the very beginning of it all, you have been mine.
My heart outside my chest.
And I’d have given anything to be your person.
For so long I prayed to be given a glimpse into your world.
I just wanted to sit next to you, and you not shy away.
I wanted to play next to you with bubbles, cars and blocks, and not cause you to shift activities, preferring your own company.
For so long I was losing sleep, worrying that we wouldn’t ever be able to be close;
I was so scared I’d never know your heart.
Or worse, that you would choose too quiet of a life for your beautiful spirit and be close with no one.
I prayed so hard for your socially cautious exterior to match your giggly, gooey, colorful insides.
I just wanted to be part of your world, as I am so deeply aware that you are my everything.
From orange cheeks and baby food, to orange dusted fingers (thanks Cheetos), now standing over four feet tall, you are still mine, and now, I am yours.
There’s not one place that I could go that you wouldn’t look for me.
We are ever in an unspoken game of “Seek”, and you’re always 20 feet away.
The invisible tether that can’t be broken.
I still daydream about what your dreams look like.
I still wonder what your favorites will be at 20, 30 and 50.
I still lose sleep, but more often because we’re still awake together, you and I.
You’re still awake most nights, talking to the moon;
I no longer wonder if you need me.
I no longer wonder if you love me.
I’d be foolish to question it.
You silently request more tickles, pillow fights, jumping on mommy’s bed together, and ask for extra bedtime kisses and hugs on repeat, like most kids want that extra “drink of water” after lights-out.
I am your first thought when you scratch your leg, bump your elbow, or need the next pack of fruit snacks opened.
I’m who you run to for a big laugh.
And that warms my Mama heart, like nothing else ever could.
I am yours.
And you are mine.
For so long I prayed for this.
To know you.
To see you. All of you.
And everyday you show me just a little bit more.
Your future is so bright, my colorful boy.
Written by BriAnna Olson of To Infinity & Beyond Words.
