Prioritizing My Autistic Child’s Happiness

Is she happy?

When I think about my autistic daughter, that is the question that is always in the front of my mind.

When I think about school, when I plan a trip, when I go to the store, or when I look in the rearview mirror and see her staring out the window of the car, it is always on my mind.

Do I want her to learn to read and write? Yes. Do math? Sure. Gain skills of independence and make friends? Of course.

But in the end, the most important thing is that she is safe and happy.

Because for Harper, happiness means peace, and feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness can be almost crippling. Harper is able to understand and vocalize her emotions but still struggles greatly with how to cope with those emotions.

She can recognize being sad but has a difficult time navigating how to move past those feelings. So we are constantly thinking about how to keep her happy and how to prevent those moments from happening where she feels like everything is falling apart.

This can look a lot of different ways.

It can look like giving in or negotiating what she wants at the store.

It can look like always having devices charged to avoid what happens when they die.

It can look like stocking up on favorite things so in case they break or get lost or run out, we have another one there to save the day.

It involves a lot of preventative actions and significant planning. And sometimes it’s still not enough. But most of the time, it is.

So, yes. Most of the time, the answer is yes, Harper is happy. And we will continue to plan, prep, and fight as hard as we can for that.

Because, “In all this world, there is nothing so beautiful as a happy child” – L. Frank Baum

Written by Sarah Rutter of Adventures with Harper Elaine