March 1, 2023
To Our Second Child: A Mother’s Struggle With Infertility
To our Second Child,
I want to start by saying your dad and I love you very much. You have always been planned. I say that because people might make jokes about our age or the age difference between you and your brother.
You have been planned since the day your brother was born. I pictured having two kids, I envisioned you and your brother playing in the backyard while I watched out the kitchen window.
I always thought you would be two or three years younger than Henry.
Those visions changed a little when Henry was diagnosed autistic. We started seeing signs when he was two, about the time we would have started trying for you.
We decided to put off having you until later because we were afraid he would need all our attention and we were scared we wouldn’t have enough to share.
In 2020, there was a pandemic, and we were stuck in the house 24/7. Henry was eight years old and that’s when we realized he was ready for a sibling. He was a very lonely only child.
Even though I was 42, I still didn’t think it would take long for you to come into our lives.
Your brother only took two months, so I had no reason to think this time would be any different. Lots of women were having babies in their 40’s. I never imagined the three year battle we were about to face.
You see it’s February 2023 and we have been on this infertility journey since May 2020. I never gave up hope that you were coming.
Doctors say I’m too old, my eggs are too old. We also looked into donor eggs and embryo adoption.
Did I mention the waiting?
All of this can have a toll on your body and mental health. It can be a strain on all your relationships too.
There was also regular adoption, we researched. Do you know the wait right now is three years for a baby?
I started to worry if expecting mothers would want us because we are older parents or because we have a disabled child.
Do you know you have to really put yourself out there when you are looking to adopt? I didn’t know that before I started researching.
I also began thinking about the heartbreak that comes when you think a baby is coming and the mother changes her mind. It’s her right to change her mind, I just don’t know if I can go through that!
I hope you are reading this my sweet child. That will mean a miracle has happened. If you aren’t, then it means our family is still three and that will be fine for me, I just might need some time.
Why am I writing this letter?
Maybe to put it out in the universe. Maybe something good will happen from this.
Remember we love you and always want you to know, we didn’t care how you came to us, we wanted you and have always wanted you.
With all my heart,
Mom
