To the Woman Who Loved My Daughter Like Her Own

Today is 20 years since you have passed, and the void is forever there.

The love you stamped our hearts with is carried with us every day. You are forever missed. A that tribute doesn’t even come close to explaining how amazing and how loved you are.

More than a grandmother.

Watching my daughter sit on your lap as you sit at the table seems like the most natural thing in the world. 

Except sometimes it’s not.

A nana sitting with her grand baby is something you can take for granted.

Sometimes, you have to fight for it. Like when that child has autism and doesn’t like to be touched, hugged, or snuggled. Or when she does, but it’s on her time and her own terms.

You fought for her. You took the time to wait until she was ready. You loved her so much!

You learned, and you were patient.

You always believed in her and didn’t care what any of the experts said. 

You sat with me at night and told me that everything would be okay, that she was so smart and she would talk. You just knew it in your heart. I needed to hear it whether it was true or not

There was a time that she only allowed me, you and her brother, to touch her.  She wouldn’t let anyone else in. You were the only other adult besides me that could reach her, that could comfort her.

You were the one who got her to eat macaroni and cheese when for months the only food she ate was nutrigrain bars and cheese doodles.

You sat here with me when she started therapy and would scream through her sessions, us both keeping the other one from stopping the much needed help.

You were relentless with your love, and your bond with her was amazing and so special.

We didn’t think she would ever use a fork or drink out of a cup, you were the one who got her to take a sip the first time it was Pepsi out of your cup while she was sitting on your lap.

We couldn’t believe it and laughed because, of course, she would drink Pepsi out of a cup!

You never treated her any different and loved her for who she was. You always acknowledged her and made damn sure everyone else did, too. 

Some might say that you were just being a grandmother, but it went far and above that.

You were there when she needed you, when I needed you and your son needed you.

You made sure that her brother also had plenty of love and attention and gave him lots of extra nana time and treats, too, of course. You saw how hard it was for all of us.

You made sure she was included whether she was aware or not. You never discounted her feelings or her potential.

Your bond with her was so strong, and it made me so happy. To see someone love your little girl the way you do is an amazing feeling. It helped me so much during this time.

I was a 23 year old mom with two kids trying to make sense of her child being diagnosed with autism , during a time, there was no awareness and no understanding .

You made me stronger. I felt supported and was able to fight for her and to be her voice.

A time when others thought she was spoiled and had no idea the difficulties we were facing. 

And then you got sick.

You were 48 years old, and they diagnosed you with pancreas cancer and gave you six months to live. We were devastated.

We were again faced with an unjust diagnosis. This one worse than the last.

It seemed so unfair – a person who is so selfless and loves so much.

Alyssa was now five years old and had made so many gains but still had lots of challenges. You were a mom to four and a nana to five grandchildren that you adored and who equally adored you.

You accepted everyone. You loved your grandbabies with everything you had. You were getting robbed, and they were too. You fought with everything you had for almost two years.

You got to see me marry your son, and you were glowing, looking more radiant than the bride.  I didn’t mind though, I never saw you look more beautiful and happy. 

You also got to witness another grandchild be born, and that took you over the moon. 

I am so blessed to have known you and have been loved by you. My children were doubly blessed, you spoiled them and loved unconditionally. 

You helped me, through what was the hardest time of my life, and to say thank you seems so small.

I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you. The love and understanding you gave our family meant everything. You never gave yourself enough credit. Your impact on us was tremendous. 

You are more missed than you could ever know.

Our lives will forever have a void.

You always said our girl would talk, and although she is still nonverbal, she has words. I can hear your voice saying I told you I knew she would.

Can you hear her from where you are? 

Can you see her and all the progress she has made?

I choose to believe you can, that you are looking down on her and smiling and whispering, I just knew it.

I am so incredibly grateful to have known you. For all the love you gave, the kindness and grace you showed and the best meals I have ever had.  You took care of us in many ways.

Family support is everything.  We have been incredibly blessed with it,  It makes such a difference and lightens the load we carry so much.

I hope you know what a special person you were and how much you were loved.

Dedicated to Louise McIsaac, Nana, and mother extraordinaire.