January 19, 2023

I Dreamt I Had a Conversation With My Non-speaking Daughter

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Last night I had a dream I had a conversation with my daughter. She is four years old, autistic, and non-speaking.

Her little voice has been on my mind lately. As her age and receptive language, her understanding of language, had gone up so has her frustration. I think often about how hard she works to communicate her needs, wants, and feelings.

She is an excellent communicator. I often wonder what it would be like to know how she is feeling, what she really wants me to know.

I think about what it would be like if I wasn’t around. How much someone else would understand her whole being like I do.

How I know when she brings me a pan from the cupboard that means she wants me to cook some eggs.

How when she takes me the freezer that means she either would like me to make pizza or heat up a breakfast sandwich.

How when she asks you for something non-verbally and runs away she is waiting for you to bring it to her.

How she gently looks over her shoulder as she bends down to examine sand in her hand, as if inviting you to watch the beauty of its flow.

I know my daughter to her absolute core.

I have been asked “Do they think she will talk?” This isn’t really a question anyone could answer. Maybe she will gain verbal language, maybe she will use other forms of communication.

I would love to be able to open a box to all the things waiting inside. I often make guesses, trying to meet her where she is, until she communicates I have figured it out.

In my dreams I picked her up from school and she told me about her day. The vibrations of our connection carrying over to my desire to hear my daughter express herself in a way I know she also longs for.
We will continue to work on all the ways we can to help provider her with an avenue to express herself, and watch closely to make sure we aren’t missing something she is trying to share with us.

For now I will sit with my dreams, desires, and hopes for my daughter and understand the most important thing is to honor her hard work each and every day.

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Tabitha Cabrera

Tabitha Cabrera, Esq., recently moved from Arizona to Montana. She spent her career as an Attorney and has recently been working on finding what is important in this life, friends, family, and growth. She shares about her two sweet autistic children, Nixon age six and Nora age three and the family's journey through diagnosis. She has found a passion in advocacy and paired this passion with her brother Mike Barnett to publish four children's books. Available on Amazon, "Do You Talk the Way I Talk?" "Me and My AAC." "What's the Commotion with My Emotions?" and "¿Hablas Como Yo?" also coming soon "Can I See Autism?" She believes that each day you have the opportunity to spread a message and extend a hand to those in need. She also shares about her perspective and journey with the ladies of Table for Five, No Reservations podcast found on any streaming service. You can find Tabitha's blog at www.peaceofautism.com, on Facebook and IG at peaceofautism.

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1 Comments

  1. Carlos piniero on February 7, 2023 at 4:34 pm

    Very well written that’s how my wife and I felt when we were told he was autistic. At the time there was no help for us parents because autism wasn’t known back in the 70s, 80s .