Would They Connect The Way Siblings Do?

I always wondered what kind of relationship my kids would have when we discovered that Nixon would have a little sister.

His life changed when we brought his sister Nora home from the hospital. They are two and a half years apart, and I wondered if they would have a close relationship as my siblings and I do. 

I had so many additional thoughts after both of our children’s autism diagnoses. 

Would they connect in the way brothers and sisters do? 

Their connection with each other was immediate. I would observe Nora watching her brother learning from him with his every move. I watched Nixon as he would raise one eyebrow hearing her cry in the other room as an infant. 

We often hear as parents of autistic children that they live in their own world and that you have to meet them in their space to connect.

From the moment my children came into this world, they have drawn people to them.  What I have learned is that even if they are focused on something else, they are highly aware of what is going on around them.

They have the desire to connect to other people deeply, and the vibrations of this connection are deeper and richer than the connection that you get with other people. 

One evening recently, Nora was bouncing up and down on the couch, and she began to giggle. Nixon stopped what he was doing, looked over, and with a big smile, he said, “awe, she is so happy.”

He often interprets his sister’s moods. When she is crying, he will say, “she doesn’t like that song,” or “she wants to take her shoes off.” He tries to offer her comfort in times of distress, saying, “it’s ok, Nora, don’t cry.”

When she has sleepy eyes and is yawing, he will say, “I think she is tired.” He often bends down when handing her things to look her in the face so she can see him. Eye contact is something they both prefer to avoid. When he grabs a snack, he says, “and one for Nora.”

He will ask where she is if he doesn’t hear her movement in his space. He will share with her even if he doesn’t want to.

He moves with her vibration as much as we do. He is in tune with her communication because he knows what it is like to want to communicate and not be able to verbalize everything you are feeling.

I will never understand the frustration they both must feel trying to express their needs, wants, and desires to a world that doesn’t have the tools to understand them fully. 

As I watched the smile appear on his face, I thought about how lucky she was to have such an amazing big brother. How lucky he is to be truly in tune with his little sister.

How lucky I am to have two beautiful children who understand each other even in the absence of words.

They have a beautiful brother-sister relationship, and I know now there is nothing to wonder about.

He will be there to use his language to speak the words into the air she doesn’t have yet. He will watch his sister, partner, and friend and reach for her when she needs him to.

He can fully understand her spirit in a way I will never be able to because they both are autistic. They see the world through a lens I can only try to understand.

The love they share for each other is evident every day.