November 29, 2022
My Son Got Spelling Words Yesterday
My son got spelling words yesterday. They came home in his backpack.
He is a sixth grader in a self-contained level three autism program at our local middle school and this is the first time he has had educational homework type work sent home.
When I saw the words, the list, tears immediately sprang to my eyes. Which surprised me. See, I am not much of a crier. I’m not the only anyone would call emotional.
But, those words, on a piece of paper in his folder, they symbolized something to me.
Normalcy. Inclusion. Belief. Possibility. Education.
See, when you have a child, and they get a diagnosis, the world shifts, ever so slightly. What you imagined, and what was for you, and for your other children, is different for this child.
No, different is not bad. But it is…different.
What comes easy, and what is given, doesn’t necessarily happen for this child.
It starts with a different bus, and a separate recess time, and no inclusion in the spring concert, and a child who won’t take a class photo so there is no mention of them in the yearbook, and a field trip form that doesn’t come home.
It happens. Subtly at first. Then louder. Until there are 11 people gathered around an IEP table discussing whether your child is a fit for school or not.
Words said about your child that will break your heart into a million pieces. Knowing your child isn’t liked. Or wanted.
We long for normalcy…us parents of the kids in the classrooms that no one sees. Just a glimpse of what we imagined for them.
Spelling words. Gym class. Birthday party invites. Sloppy art projects stuffed into a backpack. Taking photos of a stage full of kids singing. Friends. Playdates.
That’s all we want.
Cooper laughed when I told him he had homework to do tonight. And I didn’t bother hiding my happy tears. Not this time.
We’ve got work to do.
This piece was written by Kate of Finding Cooper’s Voice and author of Forever Boy.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. You can also follow us on Facebook.
