November 29, 2022

Autism: Different Yet Acceptance

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We are a family that lives autism. My son Cody is 22 and has autism with speech delays.

Everyday is the same day as before. It’s like being on rewind over and over and over.

It’s a place I never knew existed. This place that seems so far away yet it’s our life — our reality.

As I sit here reflecting and repeating words back to my son as he says them (something that needs to be done for him to move on) I realize I’m in the same place I was years ago but something has changed. It’s the same yet different.

I never realized the change happening. Our life really isn’t different but I am so different. It was pointed out to me that we’re “settled” with our autism life. What does that mean exactly?

It means we have accepted our son’s strengths and weaknesses.

Means that we acknowledge our son will need some form of care his entire life.

It means that we realize some things will never be mastered and some days will be hard with other days following, oh so beautiful and effortless.

Like a puzzle piece. Not always knowing why, how or when. That’s what this symbol means to me.

How every single human is uniquely different.

This symbol is hated and loved. It’s something I don’t waste my time understanding. Love a symbol, hate a symbol.

How about really making a difference in a person’s life.

How about really spending your energy helping, listening or advocating.

That’s where I spend my time with a young man who continues to defy all odds ever placed in his path.

He continues to make strides because when you show love and patience to another human being something magical happens — something out of your control.

Today was a good day.

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but we are in a place of true acceptance of how different our life is.

After all, we don’t know how long our path will be and who will finish first. I truly strive to live as though every moment is a gift even when it’s hard.

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Leasa Hoogerwerf

I’m Leasa Hoogerwerf. Our family lives in Southern California. I love yoga, coffee and writing about everything but mostly the hard. Motherhood was not something I thought I’d be good at honestly. I never thought I’d have a child let alone one with different abilities. Just never crossed my mind. My son Cody was diagnosed at 17 months with severe autism and ID. Cody is now 22. He has taught me so much. Cody was nonverbal until age 9. He’s now reading. I started Cody Speaks out of sheer desperation to find others like our family. One late night in my office I sat and wrote. It was a very dark time and when I started sharing my pieces it helped me so much. Social media is truly a gift to connect with others around the globe — without it the possibility unlikely. It’s my hope that by sharing our life will create more understanding and provide a safer place for Cody and others that need support. Come follow us https://www.facebook.com/cody.codyspeaks

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1 Comments

  1. Jeanne DiGiacobbe on December 20, 2022 at 5:21 pm

    I absolutely love “different abilities “, instead of the frequent reference of “disability”! My journey with Nico began 21 years ago…it’s constant, but evolving. The speech we thought would never come is present. Sometimes forced, sometimes spontaneous. The aggression has significantly lessened the past several years…it’s almost an oddity now.
    Know that you inspire and give strength to those of us that share many similarities with the life you find yourself living. I know we will get there…I like to think we’re taking the scenic route!