Should My Autistic Child Be Feared?

One of the biggest fears I have as our eight year old son, Sully, gets older is that people will look into his big green eyes and think that he is violent and that they should be afraid of him. 

Take a moment and think how that would feel as a parent. 

You see our son has severe ADHD, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) and High Functioning Autism. 

Have we feared he may harm himself or others in our family not meaning to? As much as it hurts me to say it but, yes. 

Have we feared the police would be called as he is kicking and screaming from a meltdown and we are dragging him out of the store to the car as people are staring? Yes.

During a meltdown Sully can be in a black out like state. His eyes are glassed over and he doesn’t seem there in those moments. He’s not himself. 

He screams, cries, kicks, throws things, swears, says inappropriate and hurtful things and is immediately extremely remorseful afterward.  

He has broken toys, furniture, TVs, tablets, computers, Chromebook’s, Switches, Xboxes, security cameras, glass drinking glasses, dented walls, wasted so much food, made countless messes and bit himself. 

In one instance I happen to be at the wrong place at the wrong time as he chucked a glass across the room and it hit me square between the eyes and broke my head open. 

These are all common behaviors among those that are autistic. But does that make them violent? 

The Meridian – Webster Dictionary (2022) defines violence as the use of physical force so as to injure, abuse damage or destroy. 

To be marked as violent, you would have to mark their behaviors as violent. Examples might be head banging, hair pulling, self injury, hitting, kicking, biting or throwing things. 

But doesn’t every child or adult at some point in their lives suffer from this?! Yes. Does that make them violent? No.

Autism doesn’t cause these behaviors but those on the spectrum do have a harder time learning to manage their behaviors and emotions. 

Violence is a word associated with bad people and criminals. Can you honestly look into my beautiful son’s eyes and think that?!  

Those on the spectrum don’t have the part of the brain in charge of rationale thinking and can become dysregulated. Their bodies are filled with adrenaline resulting in intense physical and emotional reactions. 

So the next time you choose to judge our son or others on the spectrum as violent please think twice and remember this blog post.