The Battles and Blessings of Anxiety

The past couple of days have been tough ones. A triple dose of my daughter Casadee’s struggles with socializing and anxiety.

We had planned a dinner date with her ‘boyfriend’ and his family so we could give Manny his birthday gift. Casadee had been looking forward to it and talking about it for days.

We know plans with Casadee don’t always work out because of her social anxiety, so we are playing it cool and not saying much about it. Little reminders here and there. We’ve learned you can’t spring anything on her. Definitely will have issues then.

So we build up to it. Fingers crossed. Planning ahead for what we say, when and how we say it.

I reminded her that morning before school that we were going out to dinner that night.

Still excited, good sign.

Comes home from school and we start the prep steps. “Have your snack and a little computer time and then we need to start getting ready”.

Still good. Still hopeful.

Text Manny’s parents to let them know we are still on. They understand the challenges. Call the restaurant for call ahead seating. Anything to make this faster and less stressful for her.

Time to get ready. “Let’s get shoes on and brush your hair. Go to the bathroom before we leave”.

She’s not going. She changed her mind. Maybe next time she says. We start soft. “We planned this, you’re okay. Mommy and Daddy will be with you. Manny is excited”.

Not working. Now her voice is raised,  the agitation has set in.

She can’t do it, people will look at her. Maybe next week. Manny doesn’t want to go anymore.

All her attempts to convince us to stay home. Her safe zone.

This is when I’ve learned to put on tough Mommy face. Some things in life she will have to do. We pick our battles, we think about the ‘worth’ of what we are asking her to do. We consider her anxiety level. Will she be able to cope if we force it? A decision is made. She’s going.

We battle through the denials and stay firm and consistent. “We made plans, they are expecting us, you’re going”.

The car ride is torture. Over and over why she’s not going to like it. She’s not going to eat. We have to eat fast and bring it home, she says.

We realize the restaurant we chose is not going to work with her current level of anxiety. Last minute change of plans.

Call Manny’s parents to see if McDonald’s is okay. Thank God they get it. Call the restaurant to tell them we’re not coming. McDonald’s it is.

Casadee still insists she’s not eating and we have to be fast but she’s going. We count that as a win.

It turned out to be a nice get together. Manny loved seeing her and getting his gift and we enjoyed our chat with Manny’s parents. We share a lot of the same Autism struggles.

Cass enjoyed it even though she refused to turn toward Manny or make full eye contact. We managed to capture some smiles.

We are all relieved when we are back home.

Our safe zone.

The next morning was Buddy Ball (a special needs athletic league). The struggle was worse than usual. After battling past the ‘I’m not goings, It’s canceled, and the I want  to do basketball, not baseball’ claims, we are finally in the car.

Another fight we chose because we think the benefits outweigh the challenges.

She’s not wearing her baseball socks or her hat and we forgot her glove so she insists she’s not borrowing one. And no buddy today. She can do it by herself.

Okay. Whatever. Anything to get her there.

I tell her coach she’s not having a good day today and doesn’t want a buddy.

She takes Casadee by the hand. She’s got this.

I watched through the fence and could see when things started to change. Eventually she had a buddy, was participating and having fun. That’s our girl.

We had a Halloween Dance that night at a church that hosts a special needs respite program. We had planned to go with her friend from baseball.

Another experience of she’s excited, not excited. She’s going, not going.

I just wasn’t up for another battle. I caved. “You don’t have to go”.

Fast forward to 15 min before it starts. She wants to go. Lord Jesus.

Mad dash to get ready but we make it there.

She had fun and even won the costume contest!

Success. Exhausted. Home to our safe zone. Blessed.

I get a text from her coach that brings me to tears.

Casadee’s anxiety is debilitating. It affects her for sure but also affects us and our relationships with others. We are usually laser focused on how she feels and how we feel and don’t think about her impact on others.

She has changed our lives for the better but we forget that she can also be a blessing to other people’s lives.

She teaches us all how to appreciate the moment and celebrate small victories.

Reading that text was a reminder that pushing her past her boundaries is worth it.  Not just for her, but so she can positively impact others.

Love her to the moon and back.