August 28, 2022
My Son is Many Things
He loves the wind in his hair and the thrill of the motion.
His favourite phrase being, “Push me, I’m ready” as he stands between you and your favourite TV programme requesting your partnership. A task where “no” is not an option.
And once the swing has been pushed and his legs continue the momentum, he notices as you slink away, once again announcing his right to your role in the task.
Social skills are there, but they are on his agenda.
Each night he reluctantly enters the land of dreams from his bed, then waits until the right moment to make his move.
His legs will run like a lightning bolt, the length of four meters, to the next room, and snuggle in between us, his eyes remaining closed, and the duvet pulled over his head to hide his cheeky grin – as if he had been allowed there the whole time!
And we let him stay.
Our Rhys is not a huge conversationalist.
Well at least from a two way engagement perspective. He will natter to himself all day, and recite his favourite stories and TV episodes. But his words are lost when he needs a treat or fells thirsty. A one word request is all he has and that has taken years to perfect.
But we keep prompting. We keep saying, “Use your words Rhys” because we know he can.
My son needs every task, every developmental need broken down into micro steps.
He then needs the support to overcome a level of anxiety the size of Snowdonia to even start.
I watch other children learn so easily. They have the verbal queues and the social skills nailed, which mean they can grasp a concept so quickly.
But it doesn’t stop us. We keep trying and we teach differently. We follow Rhys’ lead, because it is these methods which work.
I laugh everyday when I see my son walk along the interior window sill of my bedroom or my lounge, his excitement at the new height and adventure.
I laugh because in the past I was a parent who didn’t believe that kids should climb on furniture – oh how I have changed.
I have learnt the skills of prioritisation!
I have watched my son develop at his pace, with every milestone a celebration no matter how small, because the small things to us are big things!
I love to watch his uncontrollable laughter. His cracking up at a private joke I am not able to share, but I still smile and join in anyway.
I will always line on the floor with him. Or climb to the highest window ledge, or swing on the highest swing. Because I learnt quickly that I can’t force him along the traditional path that society created before.
I have had to let Rhys create his own road, a road where he is comfortable and will let me walk on it too.
My son is autistic. But that is no longer the first thing I say. Because it doesn’t define him. He defines himself by who he is.
And he is the same person before I got those words on a piece of paper, as he is now. He is that cheeky, stubborn, funny, blue eyed, blonde haired boy.
It is a tough gig, but we will get there together.
I know we will, because we already are.
