Stand Still
I used to avoid feeling the worries and fears in my life.
For a long time actually. I would run from them. And if they found me, I’d shove them way down deep inside.
I’d do everything in my power to not feel them. Or to even stand still because that is when the feelings would find me.
I made myself constantly busy. I never sat. I rarely slept. My showers were 2 minutes long. I’d blast the radio in the car.
There was far too much too do. And I had no time to feel.
I’d take a day minute by minute. Never looking into the future.
Anytime that I could and should have been feeling, I’d make myself busy with noise or to do lists.
Because if I stood still, if I stopped for even a second, the feelings, the worry, the fear, the sadness, whatever the feeling was, would consume me.
Level me. It made me feel out of control. And there is nothing I dislike more than feeling out of control.
I don’t know what your worries or fears are. I just know what my own were.
My son never learning to speak.
Who will care for him after I’m dead.
What if someone hurts him.
What if I’m not strong enough.
I think one of the list important lessons I ever learned in this life is to stand still.
Slow down.
Take it all in.
Feel the feelings.
Sit in them for a while. Whatever they may be.
Joy. Sadness. Worry. Fear. Anger. Think of each of them as a bag you carry.
What’s inside each one?
Unpack it for a second.
Sit with it.
And don’t rush yourself though. Because you can’t heal if you don’t acknowledge.
You can’t get better. Or stronger if you don’t know what is weighing you down.
What is your heaviest bag?
“I sat with my anger long enough until she told me her real name was grief.” – C.S. Lewis
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.
