My Last Baby

This morning I sat long after I should have and rocked my last baby.

The day was calling and I should have gotten moving.

There were lunches to be made, dishes to be done, emails to be sent.

But instead, I sat and held her. I smelled her hair. And studied her face. And listened to her giggle as I pretended to chew on the fingers she placed in my mouth.

Her first birthday is in two days.

My last baby.

How did that happen? Just yesterday I was 28 and pregnant with my first.

And I blinked. Granted, a long blink, but nevertheless, time sprung forward. Faster than I would have liked.

Four times I was blessed. How lucky am I.

As I sit here I wonder how I can get time back. I want more. More of this.

I can say with certainty that I will always want one more baby. Always miss this. Always be thankful I got as much time as I did.

It’s a mixed bag of emotions this mothering stuff.

Happy and sad. Joyful and excruciating. A beautiful kind of exhaustion. The best and the hardest. A gift really.

Wanting them to stay little and being so excited to watch them grow up.

I don’t want it to be over. I don’t want it to end. But I can’t wait to see how it turns out.

I’ll get up soon. I just need to smell her hair a little longer.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.