Listening With More Than Your Ears

Yesterday, for the first time ever, my 11 year old son was able to tell me that his ear hurt.

We were in the drive thru for Starbucks, our happy place.

He was pointing out the address numbers on the doors of the shops.

100. 200. 300.

He adores numbers.

As we communicated about the numbers, me talking and him using his fingers and sounds, his little brother filled in the gaps.

‘Cooper is 11. I’m 3. Sawyer is 9. Mom is…how old are you mom? Maybe 100?’

And then Cooper touched my arm gently. When he really wants someone’s attention he will touch first.

And then he pointed to his ear and said a perfect ‘ow.’

For the next few minutes I played doctor with 20 questions.

And I was amazed. In awe really.

See his autism makes communication hard for him. But he tries so hard. He doesn’t give up.

He told me his right ear hurt. Not his left. He hit at it. Open palm. Closed fist.

He held my hand to it and pretended to cry.

To communicate pain is a skill. A blessing really.

See for years he lived with the pain of ear infections and we didn’t know. Because he couldn’t tell us and he didn’t so much get fevers. And he was a challenging patient and often, not always, but sometimes, challenging patients don’t get the best care.

A psychologist told me once that nonverbal individuals, children and adults, learn to live with pain because the world doesn’t listen or understand their communication.

Let that sink in. They learn to live with the pain.

As a mother to a little boy who is loved and treasured, that gutted me.

I vowed years ago to help him communicate.

This morning, as the sun rose, I asked him a yes or no question. And to answer by pointing.

‘Buddy, does your ear hurt still?’

I held my right hand up for yes. My left for no.

And with a dramatic pause, and huge smile, he pointed to my left hand, and then clapped and high fived me.

Communication. It’s a beautiful thing. But so is listening with more than your ears.

This kid taught me that.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.