Finding Cooper’s Voice Brunch: A Place I Belonged
The kind of isolation I feel as the mom to an autistic child is hard to explain. For me it is not always being alone or being ostracized by others. I grew up one of six kids. I can handle alone because it was my sanctuary as a child.
This is different.
I remember before we even knew it was autism, I began searching. Searching for what was happening. Instead of enjoying play groups or church, I was anxiously watching my son behave differently than the other toddlers. I would find nonchalant ways to ask the other parents questions about their children; and what they were and were not doing in comparison to mine. Everyone was talking about parenting books, blogs and tips. But that stuff never worked for me. I was always running around and sweating while everyone else seemed so relaxed.
As the diagnosis came and my son grew a little older, he often became separated from the rest and so did I. We tried to do the same things as everyone else, but it just did not last. Soccer became me chasing my son on the field begging him to participate. Parties were too overwhelming, so we hid in rooms. School became a rush in and out away from the other parents. I never got to chat or make friends.
I already had some wonderful friends but began to feel like I was a burden to them. In the beginning, I was always talking about what was going on and trying to explain who my son was all at the same time. Still to this day I am always explaining. It’s exhausting, and I’m sure I am exhausting to others when I do it over and over.
There is of course another element also; where it is burdensome to watch all the typical people around me. To watch my friends’ kids hit milestones and progress on pace, while we slowly climb a seemingly never-ending ladder. I can’t lie, it’s heartbreaking some days and I can’t sit and watch.
The isolation I have is in my heart and mind.
However, this weekend I got the opportunity to be surrounded by moms, caregivers, teachers and relatives to disabled adults and children and it was fantastic.
Kate Swenson threw her first annual Finding Cooper’s Voice Mother’s Day Brunch, attended by 150 women.
Kate, author Carrie Cariello and Jackie Moore of Jordyn’s Summer Shirt Project, each spoke. They shared beautiful words of inspiration and there was not a dry eye in the room. Each of these women have helped me see a bright future for my son that I couldn’t see beforehand. I was so excited to be there with them.
It’s hard to describe the amount of love there was in this one room. After feeling quite socially awkward the last seven years, the fact that I could turn to almost any woman in the room and find commonalities or at the very least understanding was astonishing to me. Honestly, because of the ever-present isolation I feel, it was almost jarring to be there.
I didn’t have to explain every term or try to describe the mystery that autism is. I talked about the little wins that are actually huge and was cheered on. I could just be.
I truly love all the people in our lives, those who have stood by us, and those who are trying to learn. I know my son is loved by many. I know I am loved by many, but it was nice to have a moment to just be. To be surrounded by those who know the isolation I cannot explain. To laugh and cry with those who just get it.
To join Coop’s Troops and attend future events like this one, click HERE.
