I Needed to Change
Excerpt from the final chapter (my favorite) of Forever Boy:
The words from the professionals ran through my head.
‘Your child will never talk, ride a bike or make a friend.’
‘Your child has the most severe case of autism I have ever seen.’
‘If a child doesn’t speak by age four then game over.’
When we reached the end of the road, which happened way earlier than I thought it ever would have, I said no more.
The world, society, me…we were all trying to make Cooper into something he wasn’t. It’s hard for me to admit that out loud. But in my defense, from the day he was diagnosed, autism was presented to me as something to overcome. I was failed as a parent.
I was given a death sentence when I should have been given a ticket to a new life.
When Cooper reached his hardest days, it was time for me to make a change. There was no more pretending that autism was going away. But the change needed was not for Cooper this time. It was for me. I needed to change.
Cooper was exactly who he was supposed to be. I was not. Yet.
I was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I was living in a land of hope, which can be a beautiful place. And to this day I tell parents to hold onto hope as tight as they can. But I was hoping for the wrong things. It was time for me to hope for happiness. For acceptance. For peace.
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Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.
I read parts of your book at Barnes and Noble on April 10; I was moved by your ability to be uniquely human, to admit to yourself that you don’t have all the answers, but I’m confused about a couple of things. The amount of energy and effort it must take to deal with Cooper must leave you exhausted. How can you also find the time and strength to deal with three other children, as well as a husband, whom, I sure can be demanding? . I was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in 2001. I go to support meetings here in the NYC area, but everyone I meet seems equally withdrawn, self-involved and not particularly outgoing; so I’m not sure what I’m learning from going to these groups, you know? I must ask that you keep my diagnosis of Asperger’s confidential; thank you. and good luck with your family.