It all Works Out
Last night after putting my four kids to bed, I found myself staring at this picture from across my living room.
Cooper was 8.
Sawyer was 6.
And my third was just a few days old.
The perfect photo of three brothers.
Except, it wasn’t perfect. Not in anyway.
Cooper refused to touch the baby. He was very scared of him. The baby had been home 7 days at that point and Cooper had yet to really even acknowledge him.
He refused to lie down when the photographer asked. He refused to sit still. He refused to be in the room with us and the photographer and the baby.
In between screams I calmly said to him, ‘what if Sawyer lies with you. In between. Will that help?’
And he agreed. He gave us 15 seconds. Max.
We got the photo. The only one I have of them together from that day. From the beginning. The only photo of them together for a long time.
Little Sawyer, the protector, in between. The peacemaker. The steady rock.
He asked me after why it was so hard for his brother. He asked me why he couldn’t just lie there with his brothers. And smile. He asked why he refused to touch the baby. He asked me to explain why everything was so hard all of the time…
I didn’t have the perfect answer. I typically never do. I just try and answer from my heart. Honestly. And hopefully.
I told him that he is the best brother on this earth because he is their safe space. I told him we won’t always understand autism so we just have to love Cooper through everything that is hard.
I told him we have to be patient. And that we have keep trying. And never give up trying to create a bridge between two worlds.
I told him that he did an amazing job too.
I can’t believe it’s been 3 years since this photo was taken.
Three brothers. Now 11, 9, and 3. And a new baby sister.
Cooper is no longer afraid of his younger brother. In fact, Cooper asks him every single day to play with him in the playroom.
He chases him. He teases him. He shares his iPad with him. They wrestle. And boy does he tattle on him.
We also work with Cooper on the saying the phrase, ‘no Harbor.’ So if that tells you anything…
If I could tell people one thing, and one thing only, it would be that it all works out. And I’m not lessening the hard work that goes into life. Not for a second. Because so much of it is hard.
But…it does work out. In its own unique, complicated, beautiful, not always picture perfect way. Because we never give up hope that it will. We just keep moving forward.
The other day Cooper said his own version of ‘sister’ when he was listing the members of our family. It wasn’t prompted. Or modeled.
He just said it.
‘SSS-IH-SSS-ER.’
And clapped. And pointed. And smiles.
It looks different for sure. This autism life. And it works too.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.
