I’m Learning to ask for Help
I’m really bad at asking for help. And I don’t mean that in a job interview sorta way where you say your biggest weakness is ‘doing too much’ because you secretly want to make yourself look good.
Nope, this isn’t that.
I’m really bad at asking for help. It’s a character flaw really. And it isn’t necessarily a good thing.
It’s more of a sinking in a boat and someone throws you a life raft and you smile and say, ‘thank you, but I got this.’ When clearly, you don’t. And because you refuse to ask for help your life is harder.
Let me be clear, I am all for others asking for help. You need it, you ask people. Do not suffer in silence.
But when it comes to me, I tend to see asking for help as a sign of weakness. And then I beat myself up when I fail. And say mean things towards myself in my head.
Did you know that a person’s biggest critic can be themselves? I’m learning that as I get older. Our inner monologue matters friend. Remember that.
Anyhow, yesterday I was at Target and I saw a mother pushing her toddler in the shopping cart and behind her trailed 4 little humans. I bet they ranged from 8 to 3.
They walked in a line. All orderly. Quiet even. It was so noteworthy that I actually stopped what I was doing as they walked by. And I waited. I waited for one to run and dart or one to drop and roll or one to see the now discounted Valentine’s Day candy and stage a sit-in until he or she got some.
That didn’t happen. I immediately internally gave that woman props for being an amazing mother and then tried to figure out what she was doing better then me.
See, I have four kids. They range from 11 to 8 months right now. And I can’t bring all of them to Target. In fact, I can’t bring all four of them alone anywhere. Well, besides a drive thru. Or maybe a park.
My oldest son has some…challenges. He is learning to navigate the world but as it stands, it doesn’t make any sense to him. He is learning and growing by leaps and bounds. But we still have a long way to go.
And we know this. We accept. But it means…
I can’t run into a grocery store with him. Our family of 6 can’t visit a restaurant. Waiting in lines are impossible. And so on. And if we want to leave the house at any given time, help is needed.
Which makes me feel like a failure sometimes. I am a strong woman. I am capable. But yet, I often feel like I am not.
I am trying to recognize our families limits and accept that they are NOT a reflection of me, my son, my parenting, my marriage, etc. Because they are not.
I’m learning to ask for help.
Sometimes we have to park in special places. Or go to events at certain times. Or skip lines. Or like this morning, have someone meet me at the front of my toddler’s daycare because Cooper can’t safely walk inside. That is a hard limit for him. He cannot do it. And it is what it is. A limit. Simply that and no more.
We all have limits. We all need help now and again. And that’s okay.
First we need to learn to acknowledge that. Than accept it and learn how to do it.
And throw a little grace in there for good measure.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.
