I Refuse to Miss This

I had a long talk with my son’s teacher the other night at conferences about reading and math and wiggle breaks and how much I value my son’s kindness and heart above all.

After that we spoke about much he is motivated by doing activities with his dad.

I sorta smiled. And snickered.

See, I’ve been noticing that too in his school work. His creative writing stories and drawings all include Dad and ice fishing and hockey and baseball.

His teacher said, ‘trust me Kate, I know how much mom’s do.’

I asked Sawyer about it after. About all the stuff he does with mom. Just to see what he’d say.

His response, ‘dad gets to take me to do fun stuff because you are with Cooper.’

I felt that one in my gut. Mom guilt is alive and well.

See, I do as much as I humanly can as a mother of four. But balancing it all as a wife and mother leaves me feeling stretched a little thin a lot of the time. And I am not the fun dad. I do know that.

I don’t tie skates as well and I don’t know how to drive a snowmobile or drill a hole in the ice. And I probably never will.

I am the ‘snuggles before bed, read stories at night, cover his eyes when I wash his hair, sing songs while I cut his fingernails, buy him new shoes, answer the embarrassing questions, teach him how to make peanut butter toast’ mom.

I also have the best lap. The one he climbs into every single morning and night. And the best fingers for back scratching.

Sometimes the best thing I can do as mom is set up play dates to get him out of the house, sign him up for camps to keep him active, and encourage his dad to take him to do something.

I may not get to be the doer. But I am the planner.

And I’ll tell you this. I may not be the cool parent. But I will always show up. I will move mountains to show up for this kid in the form of finding babysitters and working after bedtime so I can make a noon game.

And I will continue to do so for the rest of his life.

Because I refuse to miss this. Because he is the best.

‘Mom! So many people told me what a good job I did at goalie last night! You saw mom! Did I do good?’

He knows when I’m there. And he always waves.

Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.