“How Would the Two of You Handle a Child With Special Needs?”
Jamie and I were to be married in the Lutheran faith and had to give up our precious weekend free time to attend a weekend of pre-marital counseling sessions. It was long and seemed completely unnecessary because we were madly in love. The class was centered on ‘deep’ questions that prompted discussion between couples.
How would you handle a partner with an addiction? Or a partner who lies? A partner who gambles?
The pastor told stories that seemed ridiculous. They were about a wife racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars of credit card debt in secret. And a husband drinking a case of beer every night on the drive home only to tell his wife he was sober. Jamie and I giggled at some of the stories and gave a side-eye to the rest. We spent much of the time doodling and planning our honeymoon.
It’s not that we were rude, we just couldn’t believe that we would ever end up like that. I mean, we were best friends, young and in love. I was 24 and he was 29. We had planned our life together and wanted the exact same things. A house full of kids, country living, success in our careers and eventually a cabin on a lake to retire to. It was simple. It was planned and therefore it would happen. Oh, the arrogance of twenty-something kids.
The day dragged on. The final question, at the end of the session was, “how would the two of you handle having a child with special needs?” I can still remember the Pastor asking that question. I can even see him—what he was wearing and how he said it so casually, so matter-of-factly really. Like it was a common thing. It is burned in my brain now. The foreshadowing is not lost on me.
I remember thinking ‘what a silly question.’ That wouldn’t happen to us. He went on to briefly talk about the stress of having children, and how a child with special needs intensifies it. I remember not being jarred by the question, not in the slightest. Heck, I was more scared of my husband drinking a case of beer on the way home. I giggle at that now.
I mean, we were healthy and invincible. We had no special needs children in our families. In fact, I didn’t even know a person with special needs. I also didn’t plan to do drugs or drink during my pregnancies, so obviously our babies would be fine. Perfect.
I think we scribbled down on the paper…. we’d love that baby just like any other baby. Because that’s what you are supposed to say. Right? We were both good people with huge hearts. And that was that. The class was done, and we were off to live our fairy tale life.
An excerpt from my book, Forever Boy.
Finding Cooper’s Voice is a safe, humorous, caring and honest place where you can celebrate the unique challenges of parenting a special needs child. Because you’re never alone in the struggles you face. And once you find your people, your allies, your village….all the challenges and struggles will seem just a little bit easier. Welcome to our journey. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, and join our supporter page, Coop’s Troops, for an amazing community full of support and understanding.
